I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Chapter 8: I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

A/N: We've gathered here today to witness the last chapter of this story. There is no more after this chapter..it all resides in another book. Ya see..there's a sequel. So for all of you epic people who have read this..don't be sad about the end of it. Because there is more. There's always gotta be more. -Gerard

~~~

-Time Lapse- 

*Quinton's Pov*

He was killing himself on the inside and the out. I've been telling him that through his bedroom door. But I don't think he listened. I doubt that he did. Why would he listen to me? My parents always asked me why I was so glum.. how could I explain that my boyfriend was turning into a psychotic drug addict?

Zeke told me Xander only leaves for work now, and sometimes he doesn't. That he just stays holed up in his room, he even stole the coffee maker. I thought that maybe he really was going crazy. I sat on the bench in the park, the familiar man named Carl sat next to me. Today he was accompanied by Aggie. Aggie was his wife. My body was freezing, it was cold. Snow was covering everything and staring to fall.

"Are you sure he's not going to kill himself?" Aggie asked very seriously. When Carl and I told her, she seemed very concerned.

"I don't think he'd go that low." I said.

"He might. Some things will surprise you." Carl said taking a drag from his cigarette, it reminded me of Xander. I grimaced. "A friend of mine died by suicide. He was a druggie, he felt so helpless in life he killed himself. No one ever thought he'd do it, but he did." Carl told me.

"I just want him okay again." I said with a shakey sigh. There was another person, he aporoached us.

"Alexander." Aggie said looking up. I looked up, speak of the devil. There he stood. He had snow covering him, he was stupid to wear a tshirt and jeans in winter. His icy blue eyes were emotionless, Aggie got up and hugged him.

"Gram.." Xander said awkwardly. That's why they were so curious about him. "Let go." Xander snarled, she imediatley let go. Xander's icy eyes were on me.

"We called him down here." Carl informed me. "Maybe to knock some sense into him."

"Doubt it." I huffed. I stood up and stared into Xander's eyes, his pupiles were almost a grain of sand. I glared at him, his expression didn't change.

"Xandy, we're all worried about you." Aggie said. He glanced at her and then back at me. His whole appearence was different, the circles under his eyes were horrible, and his skin was the shade of corpse. He looked dead or dying. The look of hin was making me upset and queasy.

"There's nothing to worry about." Xander spat. His voice was hoarse and dry. Like hardened and aging clay.

"I'm scared that you're going to kill yourself. Xander are you okay?" Aggie asked.

"I'm not okay. I'm not o-fucking-kay!" Xander screeched, his body was trembling. Carl reached down to grab his arm but he pulled away.

"Why aren't you?" I asked.

"You don't know the shit I've gone through, Quinton! You don't fucking get that I'm insane without the drugs. I can't function without them." Xander ground out.

"You can't function because they've taken over your body! You've hit rock bottom!" I said back. I could feel tears form in my eyes.

"No I haven't hit rock bottom." Xander slurred.

"Xander, honey, look at yourself." Aggie said. "You're not the boy you used to be. You always came to me for help, and now you're ruining yourself." Aggie said, she was crying.

"Fuck you guys." Xander snarled. "You've never helped me at all. I want you all to sit and fucking watch me go." Xander said.

"Go where?" I asked.

"I'm leaving." Xander said coldly.

"To where?" I asked.

"I don't know." Xander said. He started to walk away, but I tackled him. He grunted when he landed hard in the snow with me on top of him.

"Don't.go." I whispered, I heard Aggie crying on Carl.

"Get off, Quinton." Xander said. I pinned him down. He glared at me.

"Can you promise me a few things?" I asked. I had tears running down my face, his expression turned pained. He nodded. "Promise me you wont commit suicide. Promise me you'll come back." I started.

"I promise." Xander murmered, snow was sticking to his eyelashes and hair.

"Primise me that you'll try and get better. Primise me..that you'll survive." I whispered.

"I promise." Xander said.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm not okay. I promise you that." Xander answered darkly "I'm not afraid to keep on living and I am not afraid to walk this world alone. But nothing you say will stop me from going." Xander said. "But I'll be back."

"Why come back?" I asked.

"Because, I love you." Xander answered. I stared at him, surprised by his words. He pulled me down and kissed me hard yet passionate. "Maybe you'll love me too someday." He said. He pushed me off, got up and walked away. I just sat there watching him walk. He wanted to go, so I let him.

I know he'd be back.. he promised. Maybe someday iIll love him too..but I already do. I really wanted hin to keep his promises.

"He's gone." Zeke screamed as I walked into his apartment with Lucas.

"I know." I said.

"He needs to do this to himself. Maybe to get better." Lucas said. Yeah...maybe to get better. I'll wait however long it shall take..

'I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone. But nothing you say will stop me fron going. But I'll be back.' Xander's words burned into my memory. They'd always be there.

~*~*~*THE END*~*~*~

A/N: please..comment and tell me what you thought. ;) -Gerard