Blue Ice | Larry Stylinson

*XIX

"I wish we could stay here like this forever," Harry spoke again. It was important that Louis hear him say that.

The younger boy squeezed his eyes shut and already felt bad for what he was going to say, "You know we can't."

"Why not?"

"You know why Harry," he nudged Harry's hand away from on top of his own, wanting to get up.

Reluctantly Harry moved, feeling empty when Louis sat up, his back resting against the headboard.

"Please don't do this now. Let me have this for a bit longer." Harry said and sat up too, not looking at Louis.

"I can't do this now, Harry, as much as I wish," Louis said pressing his lips together and covering himself with the sheets, "Last night was amazing. I wish I could make myself regret it, but I can't."

"Don't say that," Harry furrowed his brows and still not looking at his husband.

"I have to be honest, Harry. The fact that we had sex, does not make up for all the things that have happened. Not one bit. It's harsh, but it's the truth." Louis curled his arms around his knees.

He knew Louis was right. Everything that he said was right. Harry hoped that approaching him this way would maybe show Louis he could change, and also confirm the feelings he had for him.

"I know," Harry said in a whisper.

"Look," Louis continued sitting up straight, adjusting his posture, "Maybe it's not the thing you wanted to hear right now, not after the night we shared, but please try to understand."

"I can't say I don't," Harry uttered and moved a bit so he was facing Louis. His husband deserved to be looked in the eyes when he spoke.

"I'm glad. Put your self in my shoes. What would you feel if I treated you miserably for months, and then one night immediately I cry and ask you not to leave? It's obvious that you were heartbroken by me kissing Chuck." Louis shook his head. He wanted to be clear of what he was going to say. This time he was going to pour out all of his feelings, the good and the bad.

Louis couldn't let himself fall in the darkness again, without some sliver of light guiding him on where to go. Harry's confession last night hadn't made it easier.

It was unfair, too. Although, he's not going to say that. The moment Louis accepted his situation and continued on with his life, Harry suddenly makes this confession and causes Louis to rethink about having a life with Harry.

"As you said, I'm not going to make excuses and apologize for what I did. I am sorry and you didn't deserve it and I know that."

Harry shut his eyes and took in what Louis said. It was true. Louis never spoke anything but the truth. It was harsh but never the less it was the truth. He nodded and motioned for Louis to continue speaking.

"You know you left me no other choice, Harry. I swear that I didn't seek out Chuck so I could take revenge on what you did to me. I did that for me."

"Zayn said to Liam that you liked the kiss very much." Harry said saying the words was like swallowing a handful of needles, " and when Chuck wanted more you took a step back."

Louis furrowed his brows for a moment and then exhaled realizing how Harry found out about it. Zayn!

"That is partially true. I didn't want to take things further. But... uh, how do I put this? Chuck kissed me but I didn't stop him. I wanted to try how it felt. That's all."

"So you didn't feel anything?" Harry's face lit up and looked in Louis' eyes for the first time that morning. His eyes, so beautiful, looked like the serene sky after a storm. Warm and shining. Louis's face had that amazing glow, the type of glow when he's had a good night's sleep. His chest swelled with pride knowing that he was the cause for that.