The Songs of a Broken Poet

Faded Memories

Another day, 

Another heart ache,

As I begin to walk home,

Carrying each foot like a stone, 

I feel the weight in my heart grow stronger.

I feel the tears prickling my eyes,

And the needle piercing my heart with every breath I take,

My eyes wander the street,

Looking for any means of distraction as I hold back every tear,

As I snap back to reality, 

I find myself standing at the all too familiar doorstep,

I take a deep breath and allow my lungs to fill with the crisp winter air,

Like ice coating my throat and lungs, 

I feel a shiver as it travels from the top of my spine to the ends of my feet,

As I grasp the cold handle, 

I feel the thin layer of frost that has formed melt into the palm of my hand,

I slowly turn the handle and gently push the door opened,

I close my eyes to hold back the tears for even another moment,

As the door gently slides to its place.

My nose is filled with the familiar smell of home,

I place each foot gently onto the step before me, 

And allow myself to feel the last gentle breeze of cold air fade into the warmth as I close the door,

I begin to take my shoes off and I let my thin jacket fall away from my arms,

I allow my bag to gradually slip off my shoulder and hit the ground,

I stand there, 

Motionless,

Senseless,

I feel paralyzed suddenly by fear,

By anger and rage,

I feel my heart begin to race,

My breathing becomes unsteady, 

I grasp my chest as I try to steady my breath again,

I force myself to take deep, shaky breaths as I try to control myself,

The weight on my heart growing heavier,

I finally allow my hand to fall back to my side,

I make my way down the staircase and follow my normal path into my room,

As I step inside,

The weight on my heart becomes mixed with a pit in my stomach,

I take myself over to my bed,

repeating to myself,

You're okay, you'll be okay, breath

As if I'm helping someone else,

I look over my bed,

The sheets a mess but each pillow in its natural spot, 

And I feel the needle begin to pierce at my heart again,

As if trying to claim its next victim,

I feel my legs as they begin to give out,

My knees begin to shake,

And all at once I feel my body,

Like a pound of bricks crash upon my bed,

I grasp my chest once again, 

hoping to even make the pain subside for at least a moment,

But as I take each breath,

The pain only begins to grow,

It begins to take over my mind,

I feel my mind as it slips away from reality,

I feel my body curl as I grasp my knees,

I lay there, 

Gasping for air,

As my lungs beg me for breath,

I feel my heart beat as it grows more intense,

I rock myself back and forth,

As my nails dig into the sides of my legs,

I finally give in,

As I reached for my pillow and hugged it close to my chest,

I feel the salty liquid as it escapes my eyes,

I feel the pit in my stomach grow and deepen as each tear pours from my eyes like a storm,

I feel I have lost myself,

I feel the overwhelming urge to scream,

To shout,

I begin to cry harder, 

As I hear myself let out soft whimpers,

And the heart breaking sounds gently escape my mouth,

I feel the walls closing in, 

I feel as though every breath I grasp for,

Is only making me lose more oxygen,

Every breath,

Every gasp,

Only a reminder of the hell I m facing,

As every inch of my body shakes,

Every cell in my body aching,

screaming out the pain my heart has been concealing for so long,

My mind is racing,

Trying to grasp any sense of what reality means,

And every memory floods back,

Every forgotten nightmare,

Every heart ache,

All the lies and the sour words,

They all replayed in my mind like a broken record,

I could feel my heart screaming,

Begging the pain to subside,

I feel my world crumbling, shattering beneath me,

I want to scream for help,

But the only noise that escapes my mouth,

Is a sudden sob of agony,

And I lay there,

Every nerve tense,

Every muscle tight,

My pillow soaked with the salty stream my eyes have created,

And my lip shaking trying to suppress any further noises, 

After what feels like an eternity in pain,

I feel my body begin to loosen,

My arms gently fall to my side,

My legs relax and slowly slide down my bed,

I feel a wave of relief wash over me,

Like a gentle breeze in the middle of August,

I feel myself turn to my side,

As I cover myself,

I feel the blankets wrap me in its warm embrace,

As my eyes slowly close,

I feel my mind slip into a coma like sleep,

My vision blurs,

As I let this world dissolve around me,

With my faded memories...