1-dont leave
it feels as though an elephant is sitting on my chest, and i'm heaving for air and trying so so hard to stop shaking. i know i'm to far in to save myself now, so i try to get on the floor. i pull my knees so tight to my chest until i can feel my heartbeat through my sweater and my jeans. i rock back and forth hitting the soles of my shoes on the ground, over, and over, and over. i heat what seems to be gentle footsteps but is really the tip-tap of converse on the floor, and i lower even farther into a ball of a human as i possibly can. she sees me. crouching down she begins to put two hands out, knowing not to scare me. i slowly nod my head and am instantly engulfed in a hug "shhhh, it's okay, darlin', i'm here now" is repeated over and over until i start to breathe more steadily. "don't leave" i manage to mumble. she just holds me tighter through my tears and promises to "never, ever, ever let go."
