Asfi-Zubi - Love will find a way!

You were always my guiding star-- Part 6

Z: "here is your green tea, I should have guessed you would not drink caffeine so far in the night." She smiled at him, simply happy to be with him.

A: " And of course, you don't agree", eyeing her latte.

Z: " You forget I am a student, sometimes this is my dinner", she laughed.

To her surprise he lost his smile at her statement and looked a little pained.

Z: " Is something wrong?"

A: " What did you want to speak to me about? "

Z: looking down at the table, she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts: "I wanted to explain why I left that day, many years ago."

In a measured voice, with full understanding of the fact that she had acted fearfully and hastily without testing the extent of his feelings for her, she tried to bring closure to the incident, which she understood was troubling them both even now. Her voice soft, she accepted that her action had hurt him and asking for forgiveness.

Asfand leaned back in his chair, remembering his pain of the past years, and also understanding that she suffered equally. He looked at her earnest expression, her fearless admission, her compassion as she took responsibility of the mess, and was certain that this time it was he who didn't deserve her. He wrestled with the secret he had, which he didn't want to tell her, had never thought he would ever need to tell her, And knew that <strong>he had to tell her</strong>, regardless of what it made her think about him. He lifted his eyes and realized she was waiting for him to say something.

A: "There is something you should know. I didn't ever think I would need to tell you this. "

Looking at her again, he tried to memorize what she looked like before she came to know the truth.

A: "I knew you were in USA; not immediately after you left, but six months after that. You remember which senior doctor you took your admission recommendations from? Well I met him at a conference and he just happened to mention that you were in UCSF because he assumed I would know. After that it was easy to keep track of you even if you were not active on social media. You would wonder why I did this? I was suffering, and there was a huge void in my life which I couldn't fill, didn't want to fill, was incapable of filling up. Home was lonely, Gaiti Bhabhi had got married and she and Saim had left, it was just Mama, Baba and me-- and I was unable to move on from you. I had loved you so much, and I now hated you with the same intensity. "

He paused and wondered how to tell her the rest.

A:" Finally, I reached the conclusion that the only way I could step out of the limbo that you had made my life, by doing the same to you as you had done to me. It felt good and justified what I felt, and gave me a purpose in life. Mama and Baba were worried about me, and despite my utmost love for them, I could not fulfil their small desire to see me married. I could not face the idea of marrying anyone, the thought made me ill. I needed to get over you, because whether you wanted me or not, in my mind I had married you, blended our destinies long back. And I guess Zubi, you are stronger than me, because my life had no reverse gear, unlike you. " he stopped and stirred the tea which he hadn't even touched. He stole a look at her and saw that she was staring at her hands on the table. Her expression was hard to read.

A: " The opportunity to come here, didn't come on its own. I know how US academia works as I had been here as a student and I had to work on all my contacts for 6 months to create this opportunity. And that is how I landed here."

Z: " But why didn't you just catch a flight if you knew wished to meet me and knew where I was?"

A: " Because I needed to be in your space, where you could not refuse to meet me. And I needed you to think this was a chance encounter"