Afraid To Fall In Love

...Of The Past

I wasn't really happy about it because I needed to get as far away from her as possible, I can't get hurt again, I can't revisit my past, not after I have managed to erase Salma from my life, I can not bare it for the second time,

" now get up and go get him something to eat" Mamie's voice brought me back from my thoughts,

She quickly placed the magazine on the carpet and stood up to leave the room while Nasreen and Amani teased,

" yayas wifey on duty"

Minal

I would never disrespect Mamie not for any reason but for a moment there I wanted to refuse her, I just didn't have the courage,

I wanted more than anything to get away from Amani's teasing which was beginning to annoy me, but what surprises me more is Mahmud's attitude these days, he is a changed person completely, he is nice towards everyone, including the helps.

I was in the kitchen so lost in thoughts as I waited for the sweet and spicy shrimp sauce to warm up,

"Bring it to my room when you are done" his voice startled me, I didn't even notice his presence, and to think he had the guts to order me around , if not for Mamie I wouldn't even be doing this but I will make his life miserable,

I served the food and placed it on a tray and walked straight to his room, I knock and waited for a while before he opened the door ushering me in, ignoring the fact that I was pushing the tray towards him so I could turn back,

" place it on the table" he said smiling at me,

"Don't think this will go on for long, I am not your nanny" I whined walking to the table,

"You are, since you are married to me" I heard him say from behind me,

"I am only doing this because your mother asked me, and I will make your life hell" I replied angrily,

"Calm down tigress, you can't do more but dont worry I am going as far away from you as possible" he replied trying to avoid my eyes,

" I would want that more than anything in the world, I hate you, I hate your face, your guts everything about you" I said looking straight at him then turned to work out of the room,

"aren't they all the same?" He said to no one in particular, so I just ignored him and closed the door behind me,

I got to my room feeling a little bad about what I said to him, but I couldn't get my mind off his last statement,

What did he mean by" aren't they all the same?" Who was he talking about?, was he comparing me to someone else, was he talking about a girlfriend of his, I kept asking myself but there were no answers,

I picked up my phone to call Amani,
"Would you like to sleep in my room today" I asked hoping she would agree,

" with pleasure, let me get some chips and dipping cream first" she replied

I hung up the phone and sat on the edge of my bed as I waited for Amani. From what I know she is Mahmud's favorite sibling and she was good at one thing " running her mouth" and I needed answers,

I had just plugged my phone to charge when she came in holding a tray in her hands,

"Sorry I'm late, I made smoothies" she said with a cheeky grin,

"You are a darling" I replied giving her a hand,

she started blabbing about how much weight she has gained when I cut her off,

"Was Mahmud in a relationship before he was forced to marry me" I asked avoiding her eyes,

" not really, we all thought he found someone but it was just to get Abbah off his back for a while" she answered nonchalantly,

"You mean he's never been in love" I asked giving her a surprised face,

She was quite for a while then replied
" he was but it didn't end well hence no one talks about it especially around him"

"What happened?" I asked moving closer to where she was seated,

"Fine, just make sure you don't mention it in front of him, not even her name" she warned

" its not like we are best of friends" I laughed,

" it happened when we were at boarding school, but from the little I have seen and heard Yaya was crazy about her" she paused a bit then continued,

" then everything was about Salma, even Abbah knew about her, very beautiful lady from kebbi, but they met in England, it was always Salma, salma,Salma, he just couldn't get enough, that was Yaya for you, for the first time he was in love and he was all in, he showered his love and wealth, he gave her everything, I mean everything " she was beginning to sound pitiful,

"What happened" a curious me asked,

"She married someone else and waited until a week to the wedding to tell him" she replied,

I felt pity for him, I could only imagine what he went through, poor soul,

"Since then he never wants to get close to anyone, he is afraid Salma will happen again as he calls it, he is afraid he will get hurt, so the Witch took away our once sweet brother and gave us this, I don't even recognise him anymore" she added

"Wow, he must have gone through a lot" I muttered almost to my hearing alone,

She kept blabbing on and on about Salma while I listened quietly, she slept off after finishing the bag of chips and smoothie, but all I could do was toss and turn trying to get rid of Salma until it was time for Subhi prayer.