ASUNDER (I) : tmr newt

30: I am part of something

Until I saw Curly go out. That was scary. That was blood pumping and rushing, and my brain thumping in my head. That was chaos, but it was also adrenaline. This is a quiet kind of terrifying. At least with Curly I was panicking and rushing about. Here and now, all I can see is Leo dying slowly.

"Leo?" Why is my voice croaking?

I watch her eyes flicker to me. So she is alive. Once her brain registers that I am in fact real, she sits up. I can see the way her bones groan and grind together. Her actions look more robot than human. What is happening?

"Are you alright?"

She brings her knees up to her chest, looking at me over the strands of hair that fall down into her face. Nodding up and down, I watch as she chews on the inside of her cheek.

"Yeah," she cracks a smile, more embarrassed than shaken. "I just freaked out. It's pretty shucking stupid honestly."

I don't entirely buy it, but she seems to be speaking honestly. Before I can think about it, I'm moving up and close to her. My feet find their way on to the bed. When I sit in front of her, she pulls her head up completely from where it is hiding.

Without speaking, something I normally have no trouble doing but seem to forget how in this moment, I move beside Leo. Leaning into her, I feel her head rest on my shoulder. I've heard that often watching a star burnout is like watching a train wreck. The longer you stare, the harder it is to rip your eyes away, and the more your feet scald into the ground.

Leo is a star, but the closer I get the less it feels like a disaster. The more it feels human.

She looks up at me, with her bright brown eyes. I know it is her and I, but I can't help but think of Minho when I see them. No matter where I look I see him everywhere.

"What's going on?" Michelle opens the door, staring at the two of us sitting on the bed.

Leo breaks away from me, leaning away a little too quickly.

Since when is Michelle concerned for anything other than herself? I've always thought her to be a deeply egotistical girl, but from the way her frown curls, and the way her eyebrows lower down closer to her eyes, I realise selfish does not properly describe her. Michelle, it seems, is not trusting. She is reckless, and irrational, but it also seems she is protective.

Which is why I am not surprised when she sits on the bed in front of us. Though her body faces away, her head is turned to Leo. She places a hand on the girl's knee.

How did she know to come in here?

"Why are you here?" I whisper it, and try to make it sound as if I am not accusing her of something awful.

"That funny-talking guy told me you were here." She answers back.

I shake my head, rolling my eyes. "He talks just like me, slinthead."

Michelle's voice is firm like stone, but soft and bending. For once she isn't freaking out or being cold. Of course when she is angry, she is powerful. I don't think powerful is warm though. They correlate, but that doesn't mean one causes the other. Michelle is concrete, metal and deep red smeared on surfaces. She is sparks from electronics, and the false freeze of an air conditioner. She isn't human. The only thing that is feeling to her is her bright red hair, which turns a darker, colder shade of red at the roots.

Leo, however, is quite the opposite. Her skin is soft, and it feels like home. Natural light, like the sun, is reflected in her freckled skin. She is calm like the Earth, where Michelle is a raging mechanical whir. White creams and soft sheets, Leo is everything a hospital ought to feel like. She feels like the waiting room to a fancy doctor's office; nice and pretty but all the same masking bad news that hides behind the door.

When the hinges creak open, it is Curly. I can't figure out what she feels like. Maybe it is like fog, or maybe a deep midnight sky. No matter how hard I try, I can't see through her mask and to who she truly is. She hides the stars from me, not on purpose; just out of habit. The mystery is just as intriguing as what lies behind it.

"You're up," Leo sniffles as she laughs. "What are you doing out of bed?"

Curly shrugs, pressing her weight into the doorframe. It cracks as she presses her weight into it. It's a wonder that she has any weight to her at all. In the time she has gone from awake to unconscious, her skin has faded away. Normally a lovely brown, there is an unmistakable grey tint to all of her. There is also a lack of her to her. Washed away in too many loads of laundry, she has lost both her colour and her substance. Even for such a small girl, she is incredibly thin.

Not only isn't she one for speaking, but she isn't one for moving. Michelle looks down on the bed, averting her eyes from the girl behind her. I can't properly read her face, but it's easy to read the way she concentrates on her own breathing. One in, one out. Is she trying to remain still?

Michelle doesn't care for stillness, right?

"Oh, would you stop standing in the doorway like a shucking peeking-tom?" Michelle's voice is serious, directing at the young girl. "Just come in honestly; none of us bite."

Leo shakes her head, but as she wipes her eyes I can feel the smile brimming her face. She leans back into me again, biting her lip instead of her cheek. "Michelle lacks tack, but she is right. Come on in."

Curly takes a step closer to us, building a bridge between us.

"Come on, we're a coalition right?" Leo sniffles once more.

She stops moving forward, flinching. "You remember?"

"Remember what?" I ask.

Curly certainly is odd. She shakes her head, tossing the idea out her ears like she is spraying the imaginary water out from her hair. Every time she speaks, a stranger string of words comes out.

Whatever it was she was thinking about, she sits down next to Michelle. Resting the back of her head against Leo's knees, she lets her feet dangle off the bed.

"I heard you talking," Curly reveals. "I figured I'd come say hi."

Michelle gives me a look, one with a scrunched forehead and a mouth agape. It almost sends me into a laughing fit, but I maintain my composure with a simple giggle. She figured she'd come say hi? Since when does she say anything?

The four of us lie together in quiet. Nothing is perfect but we are together. And through being together, we are free.

"My name is Ella."