Picky

11 (An intake on emotions)

I'm dead. Sooooo dead! Sid's avoiding me and I'm still trying to figure out my sexuality. I told Mary about it, but I'm never telling Harley. I can't trust her yet. Not after that song she sang in first period.

But what if I really do have those kinda feelings for Holly? There's no way that she'll like me back. Its not like the whole school is bisexual or anything.

Dangit, that means I'll get teased a lot if people find out. Why is society such a mean place?

As you can probably tell, I'm ranting. I rant when I get nervous, and I'm obviously nervous. Society hates differences, they think that being too different makes you too dangerous. That can't be the case though right? It just can't be. I'm and amazing 14 year old and everyone knows that since I've gotten asked out by 14 boys in my lifetime. That's enough for each year!

Everyone's gonna hate me, and I'm surprised Mary doesn't. I bet she's so scared that someday I'm gonna ask her out. But it just seems weird to ask your best friend out, besides, I don't think I'll ever feel like that with her.

And I'm gonna get teased a lot. Like, a lot. A super duper lot. Not like anyone thinks its weird that I'm hanging with Holly now, they probably think we're just friends and nothing beyond, which we are.

Dang, that means I'll still have to gather my guts to tell her how I feel. Wow, I wonder if this is how boys think when they wanna ask a girl out. But those boys aren't gay.

Darn, people are gonna start calling me lesbian like its a bad thing if they know. This is why they can't know, they just can't. Lesbian is a great word in my opinion, but whatever.

I wake up. Wow, I was sleep-thinking, a great habit that I have developed over the years. It's kinda handy, being able yo think about real stuff while you sleep. But it can also get you freaked out, like I am right now.

I feel like I have no friends. Sid's gone and my only real friend is Mary, since I can't trust Harley and Holly's my crush. I feel so lonely, but it feels good that I can write my feelings in here. The craving in my head that no one else will see but me. Unless my foolish sister, Anna, types this all up and puts it on Wattpad. Oh if that happens she is getting the beat.

Wait, what? One page left in this book? Nooooooooooo. It can't stop here! It just can't!

Oh, but it must, kind reader. Wow, that made me sound so professional. But if you learn anything from my words - learn that it's okay to be picky...