Seeing Blind

Chapter Twenty Five

But I couldn't ignore the warning cries from within me, urging me to tread carefully. The memories of another boy, just as charming, but so fucking dangerous that once I had fallen into his grasp, I almost lost my life trying to break free. I couldn't risk that again, no matter the fact that Harry was so different. Love meant pain in my experience, and I wasn't ready to risk that sort of pain again when I still hadn't healed from the first.

It was better this way, I told myself. Things were moving too fast, I was giving myself away again too quickly. I already felt a tie to him, an invisible line that bound me to Harry and made me feel afraid and naked without him. That dependency was what started with Reign. That feeling of needing him, of wanting to be with him all the time, but then quickly changed as he did. No longer did he call me to him like the evil queen in Snow White, enticing me with promises of love and protection. Instead, he used what I thought had been love as a shackle, twisting all his promises into chains, all disguised in a beautiful poisoned apple.

I couldn't take that risk again. I couldn't let another boy be my downfall just when I was learning to stand on my own.

So, I hid. Through that first week. Through preparing for finals, locked away in my little cave, ignoring the calls and texts from everyone in my life. I barely survived my exams, the information I so desperately tried to retain, all characters and heroes, suddenly baring Harrys face and green eyes. But I got through the week of hell, which now had a completely different connotation than it ever had before.

The others tried to talk to me, but I wouldn't listen. Liam and Louis both pulled me aside, gently trying to understand what had happened. I told them it just didn't work, before walking away. Henley cornered me outside our first exam, drilling me on why Harry was falling apart. I told her I couldn't talk about it. Even Niall, my original referee, had tried to understand. His previous stance on Harry breaking my heart was not completely dissolved, as now he watched my impact on his friend first hand. But again, I refused to talk about it, shutting him out like I did the world.

It was now the second day of Christmas break, and all I wanted was to escape into the world of fiction, leaving behind me all evidence of my new and just as fucked up reality.

A soft knock at the door pulled my attention from the window, my book long ago ignored on the bed beside me. I stifled a sigh, exhausted at the thought of having to talk to anyone else. I didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

I didn't answer, hoping whoever was on the other side would think I was asleep. Sure, it was only seven o'clock, but it was the holidays. Sleeping excessively was an expectation of college students.

Niall's smooth accent called through the door.

"I know you're not sleeping, Montana. I can see the light under the door, so quit the shit."

Normally, his sass would have made me laugh. This time, I just frowned, remaining silent like a petulant child.

"Don't make me get the damn butter knife,"

I groaned, pushing out of bed and unlocking the door before turning around quickly and climbing back onto the soft mattress. I heard the door squeak open just as I pulled the covers back over my legs. Niall slipped inside slowly, like he was entering the cage of a dangerous animal. That was fairly accurate, no? A scorned young woman suffering heartbreak had many of the same tendencies as an unpredictable animal. Rage, lashing out, and incomprehensible consumption of poor food choices were characteristics of both sides.

Coming into the room, I could see the change in Niall immediately. Before tonight, he had been slow and cautious with me, confused and concerned. Tonight, however, he looked determined and focused, immediately causing my walls to rise between us in defense.