Just Two Outcasts [Frerard]

My Immortal

I left Frank in my room as I went to shower. Mikey assured me that he would hang out with Frank and make sure he didn't get bored while I was gone. Truth be told, I didn't want him, or anyone else for that matter, looking through my things. It wasn't that I didn't trust Frank, he seemed like a trustworthy guy, but I don't even let Mikey or Mom look through my things. It would just upset them. I'm in way too deep. I don't want to drag them down as well.

I turned on the water and took my shirt off. I sighed deeply as I examined my mutilated flesh, on my stomach, on my arms and wrist, on my thighs. I'm surprised I hadn't been emitted to a hospital. I traced my fingers along the stinging lines that I had put there just this morning. I sighed again, disgusted with myself.

Once I had finished my shower, I put back on my pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt. It was hot, but I didn't have another option. Frank was waiting for me on my bed. "Hey Gerard! Have a nice shower?" I grinned weakly. "Yeah, Frankie. Great shower." I hoped I didn't sound too sarcastic. If I did, Frank didn't seem to notice. "Want to see a movie today? It's only five o'clock!" I smiled genuinely this time. Frank's excitement was catching. "Sure, Frankie, what did you have in mind to see?" Frank shrugged. "I dunno. Anything!" I pulled up the movie app on my phone and started reading off movies, until I got to one particular movie.

"Totoro!" Frank cried, apparently looking over my shoulder. I looked at him in surprise. "You like Totoro?!" Frank nodded, clearly still excited. I giggled, mentally hating myself for being so girly. Frank laughed and poked my cheek: "Your giggle's cute, Gee." I felt my cheeks flush and a small voice in my head murmured: 'He wouldn't think so if he knew what you did, Gerard. Don't kid yourself.' It made the smile melt right off my face. Frank stopped laughing and looked at me: "What's wrong, Gerard?" I shook my head. "It's nothing, Frankie. Just thinking."

What Frank did next surprised me. He hugged me tightly, resting his cheek over my heart. I could feel my heartbeat speed up and I hoped Frank didn't notice. He murmured softly against my chest: "Thank you, Gerard. For everything you've done for me, even though you didn't know a thing about me." I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him, relaxing against his embrace. My sleeve rubbed against my arm, making me stiffen against the pain. Frank stiffened as well, probably thinking it was because of him. Quickly, I hugged him tightly and stroked his hair. "No, Frankie, it's not you." I murmured. Frank nodded, but didn't question me.

I finally let go of Frankie. To my surprise, he sniffed and said quickly: "I have to go, Gerard. I-I'll see you around..." With that, he rushed out of my room. I sat down on my bed, my face in my hands.

I'm such a fuck-up. Such an awful fuck-up. My stupid scars burned horribly, probably from the material of my shirt. Now Frank probably thinks I don't like him. I hate my life. I hate myself. Why would he like me anyway?

Why am I such a fuck-up?