It's Confusing

Introduction

The first thing I remember is competition. The air around her was tainted such that I could not breathe. Perhaps it was because it was my first foray into the world of true adolescence that I so yearned to outperform her. Looking back, however, I see that this desire stemmed not from sheer "teenageness," but from the fact that she so closely associated herself with one of my best friends at the time. Someone whom I felt I had lain claim to. 

This usurpation of my genial power came all at once, perhaps making it more unbearable. And, worst of all, it came on a band trip. Please, spare your eye rolling. I can already feel it. 

We'd traveled to, of all places, Dubuque. Dubuque, Iowa. What is in Dubuque, Iowa? The correct answer is a pure, unequivocal "nothing." River cruises? Sure. Food? I guess. Anything else? Nope. I had chosen to room with two of my closest friends at the time and one senior. As a freshman halfway done with her first year of high school, I was desperate to make friends and establish myself as a gifted enough musician to really stand out in the band program. This was all fine and dandy, until one of my roommates, the honorable Negotiator of My First Relationship and Trusted Secret-Keeper In Chief (a title also shared by my other roommate), began leaving our room in the evenings to listen to music with this -other- girl. She would come back into our room with such a brightness that the lights were rendered relatively useless. This became a pattern. 

I was jealous. 

They walked together, they talked together, and they stayed out. What was to become of me, the humble victim? I feared that I would fall into a void of friendless nothingness. Oh, freshman year Eileen. How you are loved.

As time progressed, my fears were mollified. Trusted Secret-Keeper, whom I suppose I should name, remained Trusted Secret-Keeper... er, Luna. Nevertheless, she and the "Other Girl," Anna, grew ever closer.

Meanwhile, I became absorbed in my own issues. I'd signed up for the swim team with Luna, who injured herself halfway through the season and had to stop swimming. I fell in love, a bit. Actually, I more "plummeted-headfirst-into-the-realization-that-Thomas-had-beautiful-blue-eyes-and-was-in-a-relationship-but-I-would-win-him-over-nonetheless." I also reached some serious conclusions about myself. Those, I assure you, will come up later.

Freshman year ended in a whirlwind. I became section leader in marching band. I made friends. I still got really sweaty when I talked to people older than me. 

That was two years ago. 

This, friends, is where the story begins.