[COMPLETE] R E V E R S E #NaNoWriMo2k17

Chapter 9

"I-I don't know how much more of this I can take. You've been out for days. They say you're in a coma, a-and that you might never wake up..."

The ocean pulled at him, wanting to drag him back down into its depths. He was already slipping again, but he fought against it.

"I - we've already lost Tas! I don't know what I'd do if I lose you too!"

Tas.

He could see the surface, the sunlight streaming through. He reached out towards the air.

He bolted upwards, breathing heavily, and Stella scrambled backwards from the bedside, screeching. "Oh gods! Ajax! You're awake! You're awake!" She threw her arms around him and practically crushed the air out of his lungs. "Oh gods!"

"Ack! Stel - can't - air - ribs -"

She quickly dropped her arms, taking a step back. "Right. Sorry."

"Wh... how?" A large amount of his vision was obscured by white. His hand went to his face, and he felt a bandage. "What happened? How am I still alive?"

"The ambush at the Croft." She pulled a chair over and sat down at his side.

"I remember that. But..."

The memory stabbed into his mind - screaming, fire. Falling.

"Wind mages saved you." She turned away. "Literally just in a nick of time. It was too late for the others though..."

The guilt, shame, and grief slammed back into him. Thousands dead. They failed to drive back the enemy. And Tas...

She hugged him again, and her tears slowly dripped onto his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" He cried. "I'm the one who lead them into that mess. I'm the one who's at fault."

"But you didn't know it would happen," she sobbed. "None of us did."

"No," he answered, another wave of guilt crashing into him. "I thought it was a trap, but I ignored it. I followed orders blindly."

"You couldn't do anything. I'm not saying that it was your commander's fault. But fate chose it to be this way -"

"What if I payed attention?" Tears ran down his face, and his wounds started to sting from the salt. He didn't care if he was seen. He was done - done with everything. "If only I payed attention to Sakura. She's right - I'm incompetent as a leader. I'm a failure."

"Ajax, please."

"WHY?" He screamed, voice cracking from the strain. Stella winced. "WHY, WHY, WHY?" He buried his face in her shoulder, practically howling.

He heard the hospital door slam open, and a quiet voice spoke. "Is everything alright in here?"

"Blowing off steam," he heard Stella answer. "Leave us alone." There was a click and the door shut again.

"How do you cope?" He demanded. He pulled out, his eyes and face stinging. "Do you not care about him at all? How do you keep moving on? How?"

She turned away from him. "I was never as close to him as you were, and I never will be. But I do care. I.. just have to learn to accept it."

"I'll never accept it," he seethed. "It's betrayal. I'll bring him back. I don't care how! And if you don't want shit about him, then fine!" He roughly pushed her away, venting out all his anger at once. "Get out of my fucking sight! I'll do this on my own!"

"You can try," she reasoned softly. She was still crying, but she met his gaze with unswerving determination. "But he's gone. Not even the deities have power to bring back someone from the dead."