TALKING TO THE MOON.

xiv.

[ night thirty — 11:11 pm ]

I LET MYSELF FALL INTO A DEEP SLEEP for the first time since Alana's been gone. I completely surrendered myself to the darkness, and shit, it felt good.

"Jake." My eyes popped opened and I bolted upright. I knew that voice. "Jake," I heard it again, causing me to turn my head to the right.

My jaw dropped, and my eyes widened as I looked at Alana, sitting crossed legged in the bay window, just like she had when she was alive. She was alive, but now she's dead. But now she's... here.

"Alana? Alana!" I jumped out of bed, throwing the covers off of me as I ran to her and engulfed her in a hug. Her smell was still the same, and her body was just as warm and inviting as it was thirty days ago.

I pulled back to look at her gorgeous, smiling face that I cupped in my hands. I can't believe this. "Wh- you're dead, though?"

This made her laugh, something I missed so fucking much. The sound was beautiful, something I wanted to hear for the rest of my life. "I know I am. I can't leave you without a goodbye though. I would've came sooner, but you were so stubborn and you wouldn't sleep. And I know, you're exhausted."

"It didn't feel right. I'm finally accepting it though."

This made Alana smile sadly, "I know baby, I know." She mumbled as she pressed gentle kisses on both of my cheeks.

I smiled sadly, pulling her into a tight embrace. I clung onto her for dear life and we sat like that for minutes, Alana rubbing my back soothingly. "Jake," Alana tried to pull back after a few minutes, but I wouldn't budge. "Jake," she said more forcefully, pulling back with pleading eyes. "I don't have a lot of time. I just came to tell you that I'm okay."

I sighed, feeling defeated. "I'm so happy you're okay. But I'm not. I'm not fucking okay without you."

Alana's eyes drooped and she grabbed my hand and held it in her tiny one. Dragging her gaze up from our hands, she looked me dead in the eye. "I know you feel broken, so I won't tell you to have a wonderful day. Instead, I'll whisper the words 'just hold on'. As the darkest days of grief start to get less. The sun will rise again for you, baby."

I blinked, nodding my head with a glum smile on my face. As I blinked, her body slowly started to fade, and I was left blinking like a manic, starting to panic.

"Alana," I said breathing deeply, reaching out to hug her one last time.

"It's okay," she mumbled, sadness filling her voice as she pulled away. "Goodbye, my love."

I started hyperventilating, not wanting her to leave just yet. I mumbled a series of no's, but as her body became barely visible, I knew this was it. Defeated and desperately I searched for the words that I would say to the woman I love. "Goodbye Alana, I love you."

And as her body completely disappeared, I heard her whisper fade into thin air, "I love you too."