Loving the Nerd ⚣

Chapter Thirty

Everest

         I woke up with thoughts of yesterday's argument in my mind. It turned out that going to bed neither resolved your problems, nor made them disappear.

Rubbing my eyes, I stretched my toes to the end of the bed and let out a yawn. With my anxious thoughts, I hardly managed to fall asleep. I wondered if Cole felt the same, if his night was restless because he kept thinking about all the things he could have done differently. 

Probably not.

I contemplated ditching school—seeing Cole Parker was the last thing I wanted to do, but also the only thing I wanted. We had to resolve this, make amends and go back to afternoons in the sun and dancing in diners. But how many times could Cole forgive me? I couldn't keep reverting to 'he's just a friend' every time I was confronted with the reality of who I was. Eventually I would have to take the stand against my mother, against the guys at school—against anybody who had a problem with the fact I was gay. And how was I going to do that without Cole Parker, the only person who made me comfortable with who I was?

My bedroom door opened and Sam sauntered in, already dressed with a towel twisted atop her head.

"Good morning!" she trilled through a mouthful of toast.

I hid my face in my pillow and groaned, dreading the day ahead. "Do I have to go to school?"

Sam marched right up to me and flung the covers to the end of the bed. "Everest Saunders, you are going to school."

"But—"

"No buts!"

I glared at her, "Have you ever considered being a drill sergeant?"

Sam went to call Isaac while I got myself ready. I wanted to look like my argument with Cole hadn't taken a toll on me, but the redness of my eyes and the dark circles under them said otherwise. In the bathroom I squeezed a bit of Sam's concealer onto my finger and rubbed it beneath my eyes. I thought about how I would fix things with Cole. I had to apologise, but I knew saying sorry wouldn't make up for what I had done. I'd called him a loser, said he wasn't my friend—when push came to shove I reverted back to what felt comfortable. But lying about who I was didn't feel as comfortable as it did before.

Mum was finishing her breakfast when I walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning," she said.

I wondered how she could say that, how she could pretend she wasn't the reason I cried all afternoon. "Morning."

She sighed, but didn't say anything else. I made my time in the kitchen quick and joined Sam outside. She was wandering around, a big smile on her face. I was jealous of her relationship with Isaac, how unproblematic and normal it was. I bet her parents didn't care that they were dating, they would just be happy that she was happy. Why couldn't my mother do the same?

"You ready to go?" Sam kicked my shoe.

I looked up at her and nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"Me? I've never been better," I deadpanned.

Sam pouted and held my face in her hands. "It's going to be okay, Everest."

My eyes instantly pooled with tears. "What if it's not?"