Weapons of Mass Distraction

McDougall sighed. " I told you I'm getting too old for this shit.

I'm starting to feel sorry for my adversaries, and that is going

to create a distraction"

" You gotta get back in the zone man! We are going to see action

in a bit and I need you sharp and focused!"

"You're right" he said standing up and rolling his shoulders. His

face tightened and a fierce look claimed his eyes. "No Mercy!"

"No mercy!" James repeated toasting with his beer.

A rumbling sound approached the house.

"That's them" James said "You ready?

McDougall patted his pocket again "Lets do this"

James opened the door just as an ageing school bus pulled up,

brakes squealing. The could feel the uncomfortable gaze of dozens

of people on them as they approached the bus. The door of the bus

squeaked open and the interior lights flickered on.

They found themselves facing a small portly man with a sour

looking face, wearing a hat in the shape of a duck decoy on his

head. He was holding on to the wheel and gave them a glum look.

"Welcome to "Lucky Ducky's" annual pub crawl and Dart tournament"

he recited in a bored voice " Help yourself to a free hat" He

pointed to the box beside him.

Both of them grabbed a hat and donned it. They stood at the front

of the bus. Dozens of faces stared at them, all wearing duck

decoys on their heads.

The silence was suddenly ended by the sound of someone softly

chanting "McDougall! McDougall!" it spread through the bus until

everyone was calling McDougall's name.

He walked towards the back of the bus as they chanted, fist

bumping and high fiving as he went, James behind him shaking hands

and hugging old acquaintances.

They were about three quarters to the back of the bus, when

someone stood up, blocking the aisle. The bus suddenly went

silent.

A small woman with fiery red hair stood there, green eyes

sparkling with mischief.

"McDougall" she said

"Gretchen" he returned, "Lovely to see you...you packin"?

"Always"she said patting her coat pocket.

"You think you can take me this time?"

" I've been practising all year just for this day" She turned and

looked at James. "Well it it isn't "Crazy Legs" Malone!. Planning

on some table dancing with your pants down again this year?"

James blushed and touched the scar on his forehead "Naw...I think

I've learned my lesson. Though thanks for asking!"

She turned back to McDougall. " Your hat's on wrong" she said.

Reaching up, she took his hat and turned it around So that the

ducks head was at the back. " That's much better Asshat."

The silence was almost deafening. McDougall suddenly grinned.

"Damn I missed you!" he said and hugged her, she hugged him back

smiling. " I missed you too you big palooka!"

The bus erupted into cheers.

Larry, the bus driver, watched all this via the rear view mirror,

waiting for them to take a seat. when they did he started to pull

away from the curb as he let out a heavy sigh." I gotta get a new

job"

The bus pulled off into the night and dissapeared down the road.

There was silence for a few seconds. Somewhere a dog barked. The

lights on McDougalls side of the street flickered on as the power

was restored. The sound of ACDC at full blast started to set off

car alarms.