Confession Part I

To set the mood...

     We go back. Him and I. We've never had sex, but we've done sex stuff. We've never kissed but he's choked me. Close enough. We came close once. Close to kissing. On the topic of came, he has quite a few times thanks to our late night come thru texts. We are alike. I don't actually know that much about him on a personal level, yet we connect and are so alike. We argue the whole time we are together but I have the best times with him. He enjoys my company too. I can tell. I won't get into that. Before I get into it, I'll tell you one thing about us. We could stare at each other for hours. Like, nobody else is there with us, type of stare. I am not sure how it happens but every time we hang out, it will occur at least a few times. No matter if we are alone or with a big crowd. It's more than just that though, and I don't know how to get it across without making it seem less than it is. Maybe it really is less than it is, but to me, it's so much. We can never keep our hands to ourselves. Always reaching over to choke me, or squeeze my thigh while I'm driving. Or me leaning over to dab a light punch at him, or super faintly grazing the zipper portion of his jeans, just to tease him. I've had hookups. I can tell you completely honestly that none of them are like this. Maybe it's just his personality with everyone, but I've never spent time with someone that argues with me like that, stares at me like that, or touches me like that. And most definitely never spent time with anybody that makes me want to take my clothes off and let him have any part of my body that he wants, as badly as him. Maybe it's his personality with everyone. A big part of me hopes that it's not. The thing is, he's been texting me lately. We haven't talked in almost a year. He has a new girlfriend that he's serious about now. He's trying with it and I can tell it is a big thing for him. I'm proud of him for that. He texts me because, as we know, sometimes you run out of things to say to your girlfriend. So you gotta go to your friends. Which is what we decided we are. Friends. I'm not sure why he has resorted to me. Maybe he truly doesn't have friends anymore. Or has gotten tired of his own lately. I can relate to that too. Whatever the reason is, it's starting to mess with me a little bit. I won't lie with that. I haven't even been really thinking of him lately. Been over it all. But every once in a while I see his name on my twitter timeline and I click his name and think about him for a short minute. But I've been good. I'm actually still doing okay for now, but if it all keeps up... who knows. And this is where my head comes into play. It is the confession I wish would happen. His very first confession, or maybe it's mine. Here goes the make believe that doesn't help the situation at all...