The Beasts Inside Us

Chapter 8

"I don't want to go."

These words are the first out of my mouth when I burst into Caide's office the next day.

I don't knock. This is too important to worry about manners and formalities.

I have been thinking it over and decided that my decision last night was based off of false bravery and the thought that Caide would survive just fine without me. While the second part is true, I can't gather enough selflessness and courage to sacrifice myself to the demons.

I'm hoping there's another way to go about this.

"Ok." 

Caide's response is unexpected. I had been prepared for a battle I would have surely lost.

"Ok? You're not going to fight me on this?" I speak hesitantly, looking up at him with rounded and curious eyes.

"While I wish you would have made this easier on me, no I'm not going to fight your decision. I'll try to stall him so I can think of something else." He had barely looked up from his pen and paper as he spoke. So casual, as if we were discussing what to eat tonight.

I am shocked. While I should be happy that I don't have to go, I'm a little angry at how Caide is acting.

He seems disappointed that I have decided not to commit suicide by happily volunteering. My choice bothers him and causes him more work. Work he would have happily avoided, if it wasn't my decision.

Apparently my value for life has exhausted him.

With nothing else to say, I turn to leave.

"Oh, wait!", Caide stops me, finally looking up, "could you send Ava up?"

I clench my fists but nod.

As I leave in silent anger, I can't help but wonder what he wants Ava for.

Maybe he's going to keep slowly giving her my jobs until I have nothing left to offer him.

Is he going to teach her how to fight? Is she going to start eating with us?

I have always tried to get the staff to eat with us, even though Caide refuses, but the thought of Ava doing it makes my blood boil.

I reach the kitchen to find Ava, Marie and Ted laughing and cooking. There she goes, stealing another one of my favorite activities. They move synchronously together, as though they have cooked together a million times. Marie takes a bit of batter and plops it on Ted's nose. Ava giggles at their antics and joins in by flicking some flour on Marie's cheek.

"Ava, Caide needs you." I spit out the words, physically feeling sick at the sound of them.

No, Caide does not need her. I could do whatever he's telling her to do. No one needs Ava.

Ava's smile is disgustingly bright at my words.

"Ok! Thank you." She almost skips out of the room.

I frown, which doesn't go unnoticed by Marie.

"Allie, dear, what's wrong?" Marie walks closer, a concerned expression crossing her wrinkled face, dulling her kind, brown eyes.

I shake my head, "it's nothing... do you guys need help cooking?"

Marie smiles, "no, dear, Ted, Ava and I were just about finished.. you seem stressed enough as it is. Why don't you sit down and tell us about it?"

My mood dims a little when Marie turns down my offer. This was my routine, I always help cook.

Ava is ruining everything, I think bitterly.

"I'll take the offer to sit down, but nothings wrong, Marie. I'm completely stress free... see?" I give my best smile. I don't want to start complaining about Marie's only family. That won't go over too well with the old woman.

I walk over to a small, light brown wooden table. I look down, running my finger along its rounded edge as Marie and Ted examine me.

"Well.. since you only started acting like this after Ava showed up, am I right to assume this new attitude is because of her?" Once again, Marie's motherly instincts hit the nail on the head. She's always had a knack for knowing exactly what's wrong with me.

I sigh, knowing I've been caught. "Maybe."

Marie tilts her head, the sound of Ted cooking in the background.

"And why is that? Did you two have a disagreement?"

I can't help but feel petty and uncomfortable as I answer.

"It's just not the same since she's been here... it's like she's trying to steal my life." I quickly avoid eye contact after sharing my thoughts, already knowing I sound stupid and paranoid.

Marie laughs, proving me right, "oh.. nonsense, Allie! Ava is a very kind young woman who is just trying to fit in in this strange castle. You should actually talk to her and give her a chance."

I look away, not knowing how to answer her.

"The last time I saw Ava was when she was just 5 years old. She was a spunky baby girl." Marie laughs.

"My niece, Ava's mother, wasn't a great mother and Ava's father left before she was born. No one knows who or where he is. Last I heard, she was taken in by my sister and her mother was not happy about it." Marie sighs and places her hand on mine. Her warm palm against my cold hand brings my attention to my tapping fingers. Oops.

She pats my hand and looks into my eyes, "I won't get into it. I'm telling you all this, not to make you pity her, but to understand her. Ava did not have an easy life and neither did you. I believe you could be very good for each other."

I consider what she said. It does not take away from how Ava has acted since she arrived. She needs to back off.

I realize that she will never see things in my perspective so I decide to leave.

"Thank you, Marie, but I have to go finish something Caide told me to do.. I'll see you later."

Marie nods in understanding and I leave.

When I reach the end of the hallway, I unluckily run into Ava.

She smiles, but it soon disappears when I don't return it.

"Allie.. I've been meaning to ask you something."

I just raise my eyebrows in question.

Ava's feet awkwardly shift on the ground, "Well.. I was sort of wondering if you could teach me to fight?"

I smirk. This is an interesting turn of events. She wants my help.

Well, unluckily for her, I'm not going to let her steal anything else from me.

"Sorry, I can't, I'm too busy." Doing nothing, because you're doing everything.

Her bright eyes dim and she looks down at the floor. "Oh, alright."

I give her a tight smile and brush past her.

But then an idea pops into my head.

Maybe I could somehow use this to my advantage.

I quickly spin back around to see her slowly making her way back to the kitchen. Her shoulder are bent in disappointment, but they soon straighten when I yell for her to come back.

"Wait!"

She stares at me with barely concealed hope.

"Yes, Miss Allie?"

"I.. I might be able to spare a few hours"