Her Stupid Mistake

Feelings

Chapter 13

Mariella's (POV)

My reconciliation with my family went well nung sinabi nila dad napatawad na daw nila ako sa nagawa ko noong kabataan ko at humingi din sila ng tawad sa akin para sa naging inasal nila nung mga panahon ding iyon...

Sila rin daw ang may kasalan kung bakit nagkaganoon ang buhay ko noon, kung bakit nagwatak kami...

Kung mas pinagtuunan lang daw pa nila ako ng pansin at ginabayan pa ng mga panahong iyon ay baka hindi kami naging ganito.

We could have been a normal family but I doubt it, kasi naman isa kayang business tycoon ang father ko at business partner naman nya ang mommy ko. Kaya most of the time magkasama talaga sila...

And alam ko naman natalaga na isang pagkakamali ang pagsilang ko dahil hindi pa sila parehong handa noon na magkaanak ng isang katulad ko lalo na't kasagsakagan na noon ng kanilang komapanya, sa madaling salita isa akong malaking sagabal para sa kanila dahil nadagdagan pa ang kanilang intindhin.

They know having a child is a big responsibilty pero mukhang importante talaga ang negosyo nila ng mga panahong iyon kaya tuluyan na nila akong napabayaan sa paglaki ko, hindi pa nakatulong noon when I'm passing my puberty.

Ang dami kong gustong malaman.

Like sex sabi nila inorder to have a family kailangan dumaan mo na doon. Ha!? Say huuuwwwwat?

Then family...

Socializing...

Parties...

Paano ba nabubuo ang isang pamilya?

Then I started to compare my family to another family.

Parang iba... May mali...

Why are their families are different in mine?

Why are they together while me here alone???

Kasi naman I practically live alone, alam kong may magulang ako pero lagi naman silang wala...

Why is my family isn't normal?

Then when I was ten when I went to my friend's house... And I was amazed by their family...

They're practically happy that never once I saw when I'm with my own.

Laughter, banter, noisiness, but lights up their eyes when you saw them smiling at each other then comment at nothings, pranks with one another that I expercience in my friend's house.

Love...

Pagmamahal?

Ano ba ito?

I never knew love till my friends open it...

But I know a certain feeling that is common to me as a child, loneliness.

But I centainly know how to laughed but never happy... When I started to know what are feelings are...

Yes I laughed, many times that I could even remember by my foolish childhood youth... Who wouldn't? Innocent was crepted in me or to us when were at that age...

The first feeling I've learned was loneliness... Even though when you saw me laugh or even smile that doesn't mean that I am truly happy or learned happiness because at the end of day I only felt that no one is there for me. I truly felt alone...

Ramdam ko si loneliness.

Then in order for me to not have that kind of feelings anymore, I started to go house partying, I've socialzed in order to be not left alone, I got into the in stuff that a teenager always does.