Dear Jake,
Maybe I'm crazy for writing this letter. I know you'll never be able to read it. But maybe I need to write it for myself. I need some kind of closure. You were gone way too soon and as you can imagine, I'm not doing too well. But I'm trying to stay strong. I have to for our kids. That's right, we have two kids now.
Our son is named Jevin Michael Miller. He's a beautiful baby boy that I swear looks exactly like you did as a baby. I get so emotional just looking into his shining brown eyes because they are the clone of yours. Lexa loves him. She's so sweet to him and everywhere we go, she tells everyone: "This is my baby brother Jevin." By the way, Leah came up with the name. It's a combination of Jake and Kevin and it fits him perfectly. Leah has a gorgeous little girl now too named Alice Smart. If Kevin was a girl, he would be Alice. And Victoria's baby Gianna is the most adorable baby ever.
I miss you like crazy. We all do. I've gotten closer with your parents, especially your mom. She isn't all that bad after all. She's actually incredibly sweet and we're both trying our hardest to go on without you here. And Jenny, oh my poor little Jenny, I am not even exaggerating when I tell you she cried for days. She's a mess without you. But then again, so am I. So she's moved down to New Jersey with me for good. We moved into a nice little house together with Lexa and Jevin. They absolutely adore Jenny and she loves them too. We all keep each other strong.
I miss the other boys too. Leah bursts into tears if anyone even mentions Kevin's name and Victoria won't talk to anyone about JP. The two of them with their daughters moved in together in the same neighborhood as me and Jenny. We see each other all the time which is good because we really need each other. Your fans are devastated too. They idolized all 4 of you and now you're all gone. I've been reaching out to some of them and they're all so supportive and nice. They even started a campaign to rebuy Us Against Them on iTunes to get it back to the top. I guess it's pretty fair to say that they will remember you when you're dead and gone.
I know for sure that I will never forget you. It's impossible. You were my first and only love. We gave each other everything and no matter what happened, you were always there for me and I was always there for you. Even though things got hard sometimes and we fought a lot, that never changed how I felt about you. You're my everything, Jake. You always have been and you always will be. Maybe someday I'll be able to move on. Maybe I'll even get remarried. But for right now, you are the only guy I will ever love. And I don't want that to change. I don't want to just move on. We didn't share the kind of love that you can just move on from. Our love is eternal. I know now more than ever, that you are my soul mate. The day our eyes met was the beginning of everything I've ever known. That one moment changed my entire life forever. And if I were to do it all over, I wouldn't change anything. Not a single second. Not even the scar on my face because it makes you forever a part of me. That fight made us stronger in ways that no one else could ever understand. But I don't want them to understand. I loved that things could always be just between us. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Love is crazy and wild and everything I've ever wanted. Our love is irreplaceable and ordinary, strong and weak, breathtaking and heart wrenching, flawed and flawless all at the same time. It's perfectly imperfect and I will cherish every second we spent together for the rest of my life.
So if I've learned nothing else from the thousands of things that you've taught me, I will always know this: Jacob Harris Miller, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
