Destined

26.

Jayon had stared at me for awhile with a puzzled look on his face. I hadn't spoke since he gave me back my bracelet, which had been about 15 minutes ago.

My chin sank in between my arms and I stared at the ground for awhile.

"Dj, when were you even going to tell me your real name?" He breaks the silence.

The sounds of my tv still played around my room, and I tried everything to block out Jayon's voice.

But of course I couldn't.

"Dj," he calls me.

"I don't know Jayon. Honestly I wasn't planning on telling you," I say.

"Why not? Your name is beautiful. It fits you perfectly. Why aren't you proud to wear it?"

I look at him, rolling my eyes. "It doesn't fit me perfectly. It's stupid, and embarrassing,"

"I've never met a female with the name Dessence, ever. You're pretty special,"

"Just because it's a rare name doesn't mean anything. Fuck you and all of the females you've ever met. I don't care,"

He looks at me again, only his facial expressions were sadder. "Tell me exactly why your name is so sacred to you? Tell me why you don't like it,"

I felt so out of place. I felt like he knew my life story when in all honesty he had no clue.

I look at him.

"The 2 most important people in my life are gone now. The 2 most important people that gave me all the meaning to that name are gone, and I know they're never coming back," I tell him. My voice is calm, serene almost. I didn't let out another tear, and my breath was slow.

"Your grandmother...and who else?" Jayon sits close to me, pushing a braid from the side of my face.

"My dad," I say. "He left after my grandmother died. I was 13. He left me when I needed him most," I begin to play with the ends of my braids and I sighed loudly.

Jayon began to rub my back, tilting my chin up to face him. "Your Dad is crazy for leaving your life. It's not your fault though Dj, it's his,"

"But he was the main one telling me how important and how rare, special, and different I was to him. He always made me feel like I had meaning, like my name had meaning. He would always make up little stories for me, naming every strong female character Dessence. When he left me Jayon, I felt so broken inside. I felt like I did something wrong for him to be so quick to leave the people who loved him more than anybody else. I felt like everything he told me was a lie. And my grandmother, she would tell me my name meant such great things. She would brag about my name more than anyone else. She admired it so much and I never understood why," I take a long pause from talking, trying my best to stop from tearing up again. "I never wanted to be called Dessence, but when they made my name seem like it meant something, I grew to it, I actually liked it for a while, but them leaving me made me realize that I never should have given myself a chance to like it. I hate it,"

Jayon was lost for words. He didn't know what to say and I completely understood why. He was stunned by how much I had finally been able to open up to him.

"Look at me," he speaks. He wipes tears from my face with his thumb, tracing the little lines I had under my eyes. "No matter what, I won't ever leave you. You can always count on me to be here with you, and for you," his voice gets lower. I intertwine his hand with mines, smiling at his words. Even though he could have been whispering sweet nothings in my ear, it was exactly what I needed to hear at this point in time. He lowers his hands away from my face while our fingers were still clutched together.