Storm Drains (pennywise love fan-fic) *completed*

Chapter 39

"Penny" I moaned loudly.

I heard a loud knock on my front door, snapping me out of my heated daydream. I looked around confused and dazed. I hadn't realized I was imagining it all, it seemed all too real.

I cleared my throat in embarrassment as I climbed off the washer, fixing the robe on my body. Somehow it had became disheveled. I looked through the peephole and sighed in relief as I saw Rebeca standing on the other side. I had completely forgotten she was coming back.

"Hey" I said a little bit flustered.

"Hey" she said with a smile and suspicious facial expression. She raised her eyebrows when she looked at me.

"Who did you fuck?" She joked as she walked in, making her way to the living room. I felt my cheeks heat up at her joke. I didn't realize I had looked so flustered.

I followed after her, joining her on the couch. Switching on my tv, trying to stop the silence.

"How are you feeling?" Rebeca asked as she placed her warm hand gently onto my lap. She looked at me with welcoming eyes, awaiting my response.

"I'm fine, feeling a lot better actually" I said lying. I was dying inside. Dying for penny's touch. I hadn't realized how strong of a hold he had on me. I craved his attention, and maybe that's why I always started heated arguments, that or it was due to his short temper and abusive manners. But none the less, I missed that clown, or whatever he was. I needed to feel his warmth, everywhere. My body physically ached for him, or maybe that was the bruises and cuts left from our previous fight.

I just wanted him to accept this. To accept us. To love me unconditionally like I did. Monster or not, I was deeply in love and I don't think he knew how to handle such strong emotions, so he took it out on me. I wanted him to spend restless nights with me, to feel him whenever I wanted. If I was as special as he made me out to be, not killing me and all, then I wanted to feel that way. I would be his, completely his as much as he would be mine. I wanted to feel him here, physically and emotionally. I wanted to be there for him, even though he didn't need me to.

"Are you okay" Rebeca laughed as she waved her hand in my face. I looked at her, blank eyes. I nodded slowly, still dazed by my thoughts.

"Anyways, I was saying how funny it was when Christina got drunk at the baby shower" she laughed, trying to lighten the mood. I laughed back weakly, not interested in what she was saying and I felt guilty for it, but my mind was somewhere else, somewhere far.

A sudden ring of her phone interrupted us.

"Oh, let me get this" she said as she answered the call, looking at me with side eyes.

"Hey hun, what's up?" She asked her fiancé on the other line.

"Oh now? Really? I was sort of busy" Rebeca said with a heavy sigh against the phone. I took this as an opportunity to let Rebeca leave. I wanted to be
alone anyways, and I felt guilty having Rebeca over to help me pick up the pieces of my broken heart after I ditched her at her baby shower and then cut her off completely.

"It's fine" I mouthed to her with a thumbs up and small smile. I didn't want to be alone, but the only person I wanted next to me was Penny and I couldn't have that, so I didn't want anything at all. Stubborn.

Rebeca hung up immediately after. She looked at me with soft eyes as she placed her hands gently on top of mine.

"I am so sorry" she said

"No no no it's okay! Really , it is" I said whispering softly the last part as I offered her a warm smile. She sighed in relief before embracing me in a tight hug.

"I'll make it up to you" she said as she sat up, picking up her bag.

"Okay" I said giving her a tight and faint smile as she headed towards the door. She looked back at me one more time before walking out the door, giving me a gentle smile. I sat on the couch, alone and filled with emotions. I hugged my legs against my chest, holding them tightly with my arms as I placed my chin on my knees. I looked around my apartment, teary eyed. I missed him like crazy, and I was so stupid and stubborn to realize that. I shouldn't put all the blame on myself, but if it was what it took to get him back, I'd take the whole worlds blame but even I knew that wasn't enough.

"I'm so sorry" I said into the thin air.

"Penny" I whispered.

"I know you're here"

"I know you can hear me"

"And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I was dumb, I know. I understand now, at least I think I do.."

"You're different, I should've gotten that" I sighed  lightly.

"But you need to help me with this, with this aching pain in my chest. It won't go away, I know it won't go away until you hold me in your arms like you used to"

"I want you to accept this, to accept us, to fall in love with me, just as I fell for you"

"I know you're afraid, I can feel it in the air around you"

"And it's okay, it's okay to be afraid. You out of everyone should know that"

"I'll be here, through everything. I'll love you just as you love me. I'll hold you like you hold me, I'll do just that" I said feeling my eyes sting as tears began to form.

"You won't leave..you wouldn't... penny please don't leave" I cried silently into the silence of the room.

I sobbed silently when I realized I wasn't going to get a response any time soon. I let my head fall onto my knees, looking down as I cried.

"Penny" I sobbed softly in a last attempt to make him come home, but he never did.

I sat there, silence surrounding me from every corner. I wiped my eyes, trying to be strong but every part of me was breaking. I knew it would get better. It had to get better.

I shot up from the couch and into my room, not thinking straightly and it might have been due to the blurry vision caused by my tears, or the intense heartbreak I was dealing with.

I pulled the black leather material from deep within my closet. I looked at it as it laid in the center of my room.

My suitcase.

I began to grab anything that would fit, wanting to leave this cursed town and never look back. I was done with the pain. Every where I turned something reminded me of him. It had only been a couple days, and it was too much for me. I couldn't wait it out here in Derry, not surrounded by the painful silence. I wanted out. If I couldn't have him, I wanted out.

I changed into anything I could get my hands that I hadn't already packed. I grabbed my keys and phone. The sound of the wheels on my suitcase rolling against the wooden floor being the only sound within the silent walls.

I opened the front door with shaky hands, luggage behind me. I looked back at the apartment, and all it contained. All the memories and futures I would never experience.

I walked out, my legs feeling like a ton. It was as if they were fighting against me, in order to stay, because deep down that's what I wanted, to stay and wait it out with Penny, but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't.

I looked back one last time, taking in everything, deep down hoping penny would be standing there, begging me not to go like he once did, but he wasn't.

With soft hands, I closed the door.

Heading down the hall

and out of Derry for good...