March 5, 2015
"You stupid bitch!" Luke screams, tugging on his hair as I sit in the corner sobbing. My ribs are cracked and sore from him dropping me down the stairs.
Everything had been fine. He'd come home all drunk and lovey, one of my favorite states, that he so rarely seemed to be in anymore. He was always drunk, and usually a mean drunk, but every once in a while he was a very nice, cuddly drunk.
He had picked me up and carried me up the stairs, kissing my neck as I giggled, tipsy from the shots of vodka I'd sipped at while he was out.
But he lost his balance at the top of the stairs, dropping me down them and falling after me. I prayed he would giggle and fuck me on the floor instead. But he didn't, now he was mad.
He'd thrown things and kicked at me and screamed. I just laid in the corner sobbing.
"Stop crying! Stop fucking crying!" He yelled as his foot repeatedly kicked my legs which I protected my stomach with.
"I'm sorry! Luke please! Please stop!" I begged. His hands flew to his hair again as he groaned/screamed. He tugged at his roots as he sat on the couch, laying his head in his hands.
"Say it." He demanded.
"Luke-"
"Say it! Fucking say it! Please!"
"Listen!"
"Just tell me! Tell me you love me! Do it or i-im gonna hit you again!" He yelled as he began sobbing.
"Oh baby." Now he'd broken. I knew he was done. I knew I was safe. I stood, ignoring the pain, and walked over to him, sitting in his lap straddling him.
"Say you love me. I-ill hit you again if you don't." He wouldn't though. He was so broken. Everything was so messed up. How did it get to be this way? It had started so....
"Luke," I took his hands away and held his face between my hands. He brought his hands up to wipe away my tears, his puffy red eyes staring back at me like a poor lost little boy with wide blue eyes.
"I love you, Luke. I love you, baby." I assured before kissing him gently. His sobs got louder and racked through his whole body as he pulled me into him, burying his face in my neck and crying.
"I love you. Im so mean. I'm sorry. I love you. Please don't leave me. Please. I won't hurt you anymore. I need you baby. Dont leave. I'm sorry. I love you." He'd sob over and over. I knew it wasn't true, as much as I'd love to believe his drunk promises. I would believe him. I'd believed him the first time. But this is how about a third of the beatings end. It's always the same in the morning.
"I love you." My words were true. I'd loved him before he was like this and I live him still. I know I shouldn't. I know I should leave. But he does love me. He needs me. Moments like this prove it. I can't leave. I need to keep trying to fix him. I love him.
"I love you." He sobbed.
"I know baby. I know."
