Starting Over

Chapter 17

Ellen unpacked her things, storing her clothes in the bedroom, placing a few pictures around the room, laying out a few cosmetics, her hairdryer, straightening irons. They she plugged in the laptop and checked her emails for the first time in weeks. She had dozens, and she deleted most, leaving a few correspondences from old friends, people contacting to wish her luck or congratulate her on her wedding. She’d have to email later, tell them that it never happened.

Then she sat back, her arms folded across her stomach. What to do? She liked it here, but couldn’t stay forever, did she head back to London, find a job, grind her life out? She had more than fifty thousand pounds in the bank, her surf on the web had uncovered that Martin Hamer had been true to his word. Whilst it wouldn’t last forever, it would at least let her do SOMETHING. She’d always dreamed of travelling, South America? Africa? Northern or Southern hemispheres? There wasn’t that real pull, the specific tug that made her really want to jack it all in and leave. But she couldn’t stay here at Jan’s hospitality if all this was over.

She suddenly thought back over his dramatic response, to the outcome of their first argument. The fact that he’d walked out.

Shaking her head she lowered the lid of the computer and stood to make a pot of coffee, she had some doughnuts that were a few days old, but still good, so she took a mug and the slightly dry snack out onto the balcony. The view from there was awesome, blue skies met azure seas, the rugged coastline stretched off into the distance, and white sand beaches coated the water. It was late afternoon, and the beaches were packed with people making the most of the hot July day. Mainly lots of sunburned British tourists, the locals and other tourists tended to come along later in the evening, Ellen’s favourite time of the day.

Maybe that was just what the doctor ordered? Smiling to herself despite everything, she headed into the bedroom then stripped out of her travelling clothes. She’d bought more bikinis at a nearby surf shop a few days earlier, so she pulled on black mini shorts and a strapless bra top, both decorated with juicy looking limes. It was a bit more daring than her usual choices, and she’d imagined Jan’s response to it when she bought it, but sadly it was for her eyes only. With an elasticated sundress over the top, she pulled her hair up into a large clip, slipped on her shades, then departed for a few hours soaking the sun.

It was still very hot at the beach, so she sat on the shaded veranda of one of the beach bars. With a glass of lemonade and a piece of tortilla Espanola she opened the newspaper she’d bought in the airport.

There was nothing like swimming in the sea in the evening, just as the sun started to set, the blaze of the day reducing, but the water warmed from a day full of absorbing heat. Ellen had been sleeping on the beach after eating, but now that she was awake, she really wanted to swim, wake up, and stretch out her body. As she cut through the water she realised a few things, firstly, she was ok without Jan, even though she missed him, the fact that he’d walked away a few hours earlier hadn’t turned her in to a gibbering wreck. Thinking about their falling out, she realised that she’d pushed him over his commitment to his family, something he probably had lots of nagging about from all his family, the last thing he needed was her to join in with that. And she had no real right, the problems she had were with him not talking about himself, sharing his past as well as his present with her.

Can I live with him and not know about the past? She asked herself, and was surprised at the answer. I want him for as long as I can have him. I know it’s not forever, not marriage and commitment, but he’s fun, caring and I want more of that, more memories before I go home to a job, a life, when this carefree episode is over.

She stood in the chest high water and looked up at the sky, the endless expanse of blue. So what are you saying Ellen? She asked herself, that you will accept his terms and get on with things?