The Advice Column II

293

Advice Request
This person is having issues with a friend and her mom.

Answered Submission
Hi,

It really depends on how much this friend means to you. Don't stay friends with someone because you fear losing them. Be friends with someone because you believe they deserve you even when they are at their worst. Ask yourself this: is this a person you truly want to share a big part of yourself with and vice versa?

If the answer is yes, you should stay by this friend's side.

However, whether you want to continue being friends with her or not, I think you won't be relieved about how she treats her brother until you confront her about it. A big part of being friends is being able to be honest with each other. Even if you don't want to continue being friends, you definitely were friends at some point, therefore giving her the honest truth shouldn't be too hard.

Present to her your point of view on how she treats her brother and try asking her nicely to adjust her behaviour. Sometimes people don't realize they are acting horrible towards someone until they are told directly so. Even if she can't improve the way she treats him after you explain to her how you see things, at least you know you've done the most you could regarding this particular situation.

As for your mom, well, she's a mom. Sometimes just like she can't see your side of things, you can't see hers either. You could perhaps try to let things slide a bit more.

It takes two to create an arguement but it only needs one person to stop it or even prevent it from happening.

Try not to get too angry or caught up with getting your point across. Let your mother say what she needs to say, listen quietly and then allow yourself a moment to think. Ask yourself if the subject you're discussing is even worth getting worked up over. If it's not, it's simple: don't let yourself fall into an arguement. If it's something you can live with, let your mother do it her way. If it's not, explain to her calmly your side of things and use phrases like "I understand what you mean but...".

I know this may not be the perfect solution to every clash between you and your mother, but truth is the best way to go about it is to take it easy. Don't allow yourself to get frustrated to the point that you can't help but argue back. Stay calm, count to ten in your head if you have to, and allow the little things to slide.

Hope this helps!
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