Weak

The everyday life of a human punching bag

I walked through the ordinary halls of my ordinary school on an ordinary Monday morning. today should feel special... but it doesn't. I have a nasty tendency to shut off all semblance of emotion when under emotion distress. I'm always under such so my emotions fluctuate from nothing to fear to depression to nothing once again... I never feel happiness anymore. Not after...

Well enough about my boring life. As I was saying today is a special day, today is my first day of my last year of high school. yay. I am happy though, because I want to get out of this life. I hope that, I get out of it alive, but we'll see where the year takes me.

I've pretty much always been an outcast since the 6th grade play where I was Romeo and refused to kiss Juliet because my at the time crush was her cousin or whatever. So yeah instead of fake killing him I ended up kissing him and getting punched and thrown off stage.

Every thing changed after that.

"What's up faggot?" said James as he threw me against the wall of lockers.

"Hi." I squeaked unable to udder any more than that.

"What's that?"

"I-I said hi J-James." he smirked at the fear making my voice tremble.

"Hey I need you to meet me in the janitors closet on the third floor at lunch. You know the usual." I nodded and felt tears coming into my eyes. Of course nothing has changed this year. It'll always be like this, just the same.

He shoved me one last time before leaving back to his friends laughing. I ran to the bathroom and threw up crying my eyes out. As I finished I wiped my mouth and crawled to the corner of the stall. I shook and cried feeling everything at once. These were the worst kind of attacks my brain played on me. Basically going from 0 emotion to 100% everything painful. It made all the memories, all the pain, all the old smiles run through my mind, the playback of memories always made it worse...

Mom just died. I don't know how I should feel anymore, dad left probably to get drunk again I was supposed to start middle school tomorrow but how can I with this heavy weight burying into my chest. I stuffed myself in my closet and cried until I fell asleep.

I woke up to noise and laughter downstairs. I was frightened. Dad didn't bring friends home. He didn't want them to know he had a faggot as a son. I went to my door and listened intently.

"Alright so 1 grand if I let you fuck 'im?"

"Yup, all you gotta do is show me the way. You can watch if you want to."

"Alright his door is right there." I jumped back into my closet as quiet as I could my heart was racing in fear. I was about to get raped by some stranger so my dad could get some money?! Tears trailed down my cheeks as I heard my door being opened and saw the light get turned on. Oh god please, please help me. I trembled and shook in fear.

I know they'll find me... maybe if I fight. I'm only 12 what am I gonna do against 2 adults? Please god help. I knew god would not help, he hates me, but I could pray. Their steps loomed closer and closer to my door and I shook harder and harder. I'm sorry momma. I'm so, so sorry...

"Gotcha!" I screamed as the other man ripped the door open. I tried to run but he caught my arm and twisted it. I screamed once again, this time in pain and fell.

"Please... Please don't hurt me..." I sobbed.

"Oh don't worry boy-o it'll feel so good soon." I cried and cried as he started undressing me and sticking a finger up my small hole. I howled in pain and soon my dad came in. I thought he would save me... yeah save me. He taped my mouth shut so I wouldn't wake the neighbors. The man stuck himself inside me and I scream of agony muffled by the tape, the man slapped me.

"Shut it." he grunted as he begun to move inside me. I cried silently. In pain and sorrow. And the funny thing? The funny thing was that I kept pleading with god for it all to be over. For someone to just kill me and take away all this pain.

But god? Well he never answered...

Alright now I know this is really fucked up okay? But uh yeah I don't really have anything to say about it. It has been written and you shall have to deal if your looking for a sad book well I think you found one... not sorry if you don't like it don't read it. if you think it gets better... it might. keep on reading and find out...