FALLING FOR U | T.K

1.

 wrote this at like 1am, august last year so lol 

--------------------------------

it hurts, doesn't it?

when you fall so totally in love with someone, when they're everything to you,

when you look at them and you feel so okay and....

when you lose them, you stop feeling.

two cities, two different worlds, two different people

split apart by the sheer hate and anger, the unspoken words and 'i love you's in between them. there was nothing, but they still stuck around each other.

jungkook could still remember the glint in taehyung's eyes as he keep that goddamn beer bottle in his hand as he painted a picture. the joy in his voice as he went to show jungkook, the lack of care for the world,

for his own love.

-

it felt like he just fell out of love, really.

jungkook saw the way his boyfriend stared at others, the lack of response, the anger, everything

-

"you were a mistake, what don't you understand about that?"

"tae, please-"

"this was a game. i didn't love you."

-

taehyung fell apart that day

as he watched his only love 

walk out that door

the way his mum would cry over the phone

the way he'd stare blankly at his grandma's gravestone-

the way he'd stare at jungkook's side of that old, comfy mattress in his room, 

the blanket thrown lazily to the side, the pillow still crumpled and flat

 -

he was never a mistake

nor was everything a game, no

it was the opposite

taehyung lost the trust, the protection, everything-

he lost the will to carry on

and he lost jungkook because his words sent him away

-

"how many years has it been now?"

"two, since taehyung?"

"yeah, don't you miss him?"

"..."

"of course i do. but i was a mistake, remember? it was all a game."

-

"you have 50 missed calls from him, kook."

"probably drunk-"

"the voice messages are telling me otherwise."

"it doesn't matter hyung, i want cuddles~"

-

"What was all of it for, Jungkookie? I remember you hated it when I called you that, always wanting to seem so dominant..."

"It's a shame, we don't talk anymore. I hope at least, you're lying next to somebody, who knows how to love you like I do."

"You don't care anymore, I can respect that."

"My grandma died that hour, I took my sadness out on you."

"It doesn't matter now. I'm going to join her, soon. The pills will kick in soon."

"I really loved you, so much."

Jungkook's eyes widened, as he felt tears fall. He was about to lose him again, even if he had... moved on somewhat, he..

He loved Taehyung.

"I heard from some friends that you found someone new really easily. I couldn't move on that quickly.."

"I don't want to know.. If you're looking into their eyes, or loving them, I-... I don't care. I love you. I love you, I love you..." 

"I lov... yo..u" 

"I love you too, TaeTae.."