It's A Gay Thing

24 //

"Little girl? Pris is mature and has helped through this period in my life."

"Oh really? Is that why you cried on my floor all those nights? Because she was mature and worth confiding in? You're wasting your time."

"I..."

She cuts me off, "If you care about this girl even a little bit. You will break up with her. Stop leading her on. You're not doing well and she needs to focus on her future right now, not on saving you. It was fun while it lasted, a cute love story or whatever, but you need to let this fantasy go. She does not know how to help you and you are dragging her in your misery."

Cindy grabs the book back and starts highlighting some passages. I sit in front of her in awe. Up until now, she'd never been this upfront about my decisions. She usually gives her advice and supports any direction I choose to follow. But, it feels like a wake up call. Maybe I am dragging Pris down in my mess. Just because I am struggling with my life doesn't mean I should be her burden. In the nights that I've spent with Cindy, I've expressed needing to be on my own, needing to find myself again, needing to look for help on my own to, as cheesy as it sounds, reclaim a part of myself. Instead, Pris is asking to do a lot of the work for me. She wants to find a counselor for me. She wants to nurse me back into society basically and I think that is the last thing I need.

"What are we Cindy?" I ask her.

"What do you mean?"

"You and me, what are we exactly?"

"Friends."

"Do you smoke out your friends every other night for free and listen to their problems?"

"Fine. Good friends. I'd say we're good friends."

"This Pris thing isn't because you like me?"

She glares at me again, "Sit your ego down, Dani. I don't want you."

"Fine."

"If I wanted you like that, I would have made you left Pris three weeks ago. So as I said, get over yourself."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You're only upsetting me now because you think you upset me before. I'm fine, you're just stuck in your own world lately."

I stay silent for a bit. "Yeah you're right."

"You need to text that girl and let her go." She leans forward. "How's your crew doing? I haven't seen Alex in forever."

"They're good, just stressed about exams. Why ask about Alex?"

She smirks, "She wanted to fuck me so bad."

"Who doesn't?" I reply.

She throws me a flirty smile and looks down, "I was never into Alex though. Like whatsoever. She kinda irritates me."

"Is it the cocky part?"

"Please. I fuck cocky people all the time. She's just... she's kinda the worst," she chuckles. "Alex is someone that I would turn down and she would tell anyone that she fucked me real good anyway. I own up to anybody I've messed around with because I'm not ashamed. So, when I say that I have not been with someone, I expect everyone to be like 'wow that other bitch lied then' because they know that I'm so honest."

"I understand that. Alex can be insensitive like that."

"Not insensitive, she's self-centered, egotistical and immature."

Damn. I knew people had disliked Alex as one of my friends but, I never realized to what extent. My exes before Pris stayed silent on the subject of Alex and only one of the girls I was hooking up with had an actual argument with her. I guess I see a different side of her because she has put all that masculinity aside to be a good friend on several occasions. But, looking back, I can see how she is a bit scummy.

As I'm thinking, Cindy has returned to her book. I pull out my phone and swipe to my chat with Pris. I know she's in class right now.

"Hey, I need to talk to you. Meet you later?" I text her.

To my surprise, she answers instantly, "I'll swing by the apartment later."

"We need to break up," I breathe out.

"What? I didn't hear you," Pris tells me.

We're sitting face to face on the couch in the living room. The dog is looking at us, while lying on the floor, eyes worried. My flat mates are at the library studying.

"I said, I think we need to break up," I breathe out again.

"We need to break up?" she repeats.

"Yeah," my voice grows more confident. "I think we should go our own ways. I need to do a lot of work on myself and I really think I'm dragging you down with me. That's unfair. You are worried about important aspects in your life, like college, and you need to be solely focusing on that."

"So you just want to give up?" her voice tinted with rage. Her face is flushed in red.

"It's not giving up. But this isn't healthy. Why were you on your phone when I sent you that text?"

"I always have my phone out."

"No, you didn't used to do that. You used to text me at lunch because you were on break."

She pauses. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"That's what I mean," I say. "I can't let that continue."

Tears start streaming down her face. I want to touch her and tell her that everything will be okay but I know that she won't believe me. I want to comfort her but I know that she's growing angry towards me and there's nothing I can do to soothe that. I feel like this is the right thing to do but it is also tearing me apart. I don't want to watch her leave.

"So this is actually the end," Pris whispers.

"I guess so," I say, keeping myself from crying.

"You are my first real love Dani. I love you with all of my heart. I want to give my all to you if it means that you will be better. You mean the absolute world to me."

"So do you. But I love you enough to know that this is not a healthy situation to keep you in."

Pris wipes her tears quickly and storms out the apartment, slamming the door. It's actually over.

--

Hey everyone. This last segment of It's A Gay Thing will be part 25. I needed to end this book so I can finally feel comfortable moving on from this project. It's been a fun one to write, lots of ups and downs, and I was able to address some topics of interest like homophobia, transphobia, queerness, mental health, love and friendship.

Remember to please vote on the chapters that you enjoyed the most and feel free to comment any thoughts or reactions on the story. I'd love to hear from all of you.