Mr. & Mrs. CASANOVA

Forty-four: No One's Leaving

SKY LORRAINE PEREZ

"It's always a great thing to mess other people's lives."

Napahinto ako mula sa paglabas ng gate. Napahinto ako sa narinig ko. Nilingon ko ang taong nagsalita at nakita ko si Zeus na nakasandal sa pintuan ng bahay niya. He's wearing a devilish smile and it sent me goosebumps.

Binuksan ko ang gate at agad na lumabas. Pero bago ako tuluyang makalabas, I heard him laugh. The laugh of an antagonist who just made something terrible with the protagonist.

Who is he?

Basa ang pisngi ko habang tinutungo ko ang daan papunta sa bahay namin. I hugged myself. Hanggang ngayon, naririnig ko pa rin ang boses ni Cloud. Nakikita ko pa din kung paanong tinignan nya ako na may pagka dismaya. 

Ang sakit, sobra.

I never thought that he will look at me with such dismay on his face. He's back to his old self. The cold Cloud.

Pinagmasdan ko ang bahay namin. Bukas pa ang ilaw sa kwarto ni Columbus. Iyon nalang ang tanging may ilaw. Hindi ako nag abalang tignan ang oras sa phone ko. This is my home. I have my family inside. But I left them without saying a word. Pinahid ko ang lumandas na luha sa pisngi ko.

Binuksan ko ang gate at pumasok, pero huminto ako sa tapat ng pinto. I caressed my tummy. This life inside my womb is the only reason why I am still trying to fight. Tama nga ba talaga ang ginawa kong pag tanggi sa alok ni Cloud? I waited for that moment and yet when it arrived, I let it slipped out of my hands.

I wasted the only chance I have.

Pinihit ko ang doorknob at hindi ito naka lock. I smiled. I smiled because I know they are still expecting me to come home. Kapag ang isa sa aming tatlo ay wala pa sa bahay, hinahayaan lang namin na hindi naka lock ang doorknob. They are still waiting for me.

A familiar figure stopped me the moment I entered the house. He was sitting on the couch and his face was lit up by the light from the post outside that entered through the window. He looked at my direction and when our eyes locked, it broke me.

His eyes say it all. He's in pain. He's hurt.

"C-cloud." I called his name. I wanted to come near him but I can't move. My knees are trembling and I know that with just a light push, I'll loose my balance and fall on the tiled floor. 

My heart started pounding when he stood up. Silenced filled up the whole house and all I can hear is my deep breathe and my heart that is about to explode any moment right now. Am I scared? Yes. I don't like the way Cloud look at me.

His cold dead black eyes are piercing right through my soul.

Mas lalong nagwala ang puso ko dahil katapat ko na siya. Iniangat ko ang ulo ko para salubingin ang tingin niya. Natatakot ako pero pinilit kong tignan siya sa mga mata. Kahit hindi siya mag salita ngayon, alam ko na kung anong nararamdaman niya.

He's furious.

He caressed my face with the back of his palm and I can't help but to close my eyes. God! From the face, his finger went to my lips and traced it and with that I lose my balance.

Napakapit ako sa damit niya para hindi ako tuluyang bumagsak. Pero hindi niya ako inalalayan. Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko sakanya habang nakakapit ako sa damit niya pero isang blangko na tingin lang ang sumalubong sakin. Mabilis kong inilihis ang mga tingin ko. At kahit na nanlalambot pa rin ang tuhod ko, pinilit kong tumayo at bumitaw sa damit niya.

"Look at me." napapitlag ako sa biglang pagsasalita ni Cloud. Kahit ang boses niya, patay na din. He said that in such a cold voice. Para akong aso na agad na sumunod sa utos niya.

I looked him in the eye and stared. But I can't hold it for long. I looked away because I cannot stand the way he's looking at me. His eyes are hurting me, badly. His stare is tearing me apart. It's breaking my soul.

"Why can't you look at me?" he asked. Isn't it obvious that I am hurting? Hindi ba obvious Cloud na dinudurog mo ako sa kung paano mo ako tinitignan ngayon? Kinuyom ko ang mga kamay ko.

"You're hurt? You're hurting?" sunod na tanong niya. Yes!

I wanted to shout yes. Yes, I am hurting but I just can't say it. May karapatan ba akong sabihin na nasasakatan ako kung ako naman ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako tinitignan ng ganito? I am the one who caused this. I made him look at me like this.

"Listen carefully because I won't repeat what I am going to say." napatingin akong muli sakanya.

"I love you. I loved you. Binago mo ako Sky. Simula nung nagkakilala tayo way back on the club that night, on the hotel, on the cafe, I knew right away that things will be different. I was was a fucker, a womanizer, a bastard...but you've change me. But I never thought that you were just fooling me. You made fun of me-"

"I did not Cloud!" I cut him off.

"Hindi kita niloko. Hindi kita pinaglaruan! I am not that kind of person!D-diba dapat a-alam mo yun ka-kasi mas kilala mo ako k-kesa sa taon na yun." I trailed.

"Exactly. Akala ko kilala na kita. Akala ko." Tuluyan ng kumawala ang mga luha ko dahil sa sinabi niya. He said that with such disappointment in his voice. Why is it so easy for him to believe in that man?

"Why Cloud? Why is it so easy for you to believe Zeus and conclude that I am the bad one here? Bakit?" I asked while tears were streaming down on my cheeks. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit na mas naniniwala siya kay Zeus kesa sa akin.

He looked away.

"You don't trust me don't you?" tanong ko. Oo, wala siguro siyang tiwala sakin kaya ganun nalang kung mag desisyon siya. Ganun ganun nalang kadali para sakanya na mag conclude na ako ang masama.

He remained silent. He's not looking at me.

Biglang bumukas ang ilaw at nakita ko si ate Marjo at Columbus na nakatayo sa may gilid ng hagdan. Bakas sa mga mukha nila ang pagka bigla sa naabutan. Pinilit kong ngumiti pero hindi ko alam kung nagawa ko ba.

"You can leave now." sambit ko at nilampasan siya pero agad akong napatigil dahil sa biglang paghwak niya sa kamay ko.

"No one's leaving, Sky." he said firmly.