dear diary | shefani

Entry Eight

Entry Eight

Dear Diary,

School was so awkward.

After we slept together, I had to sneak him out of the house with my awful sex hair. I feel embarrassed about the whole situation-especially because I liked it.

Look, I wasn't a virgin before Blake. I've done it  before. But, the other times were nothing compared to this. I'm not just talking physical, I mean emotional, too.

Surprisingly, he was gentle. This surprised me, because he doesn't seem gentle. He's six foot five and strong, but he didn't act like it. He held me like he was scared he was going to break me, which I appreciate.

Gavin was never gentle.

Like I said, though. I barely know the guy, which makes this much, much worse.

The next day, I waked into the school, and I could've sworn all eyes were on me. It's like everyone knew I had sept with the new kid.

"Hey, Gwen!" Pharrell greeted.

I jumped a little. "Oh, hi Pharrell."

He looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "Just tired."

"Gwen, you're really red," he claimed. "Why are you covering your torso like that?"

I look down to see my arms wrapped around my body. "I'm just cold."

"Are you sure?" Pharrell persist.

"Totally," I smile. I still feel like everyone's looking at me, but I know it must just be my anxiety playing with me. Practically no one knows I'm here.

We walk to the senior hallway side by side. Usually, the group meets at Pharrell's locker-well, except for Christina. She's usually hanging out with Adam.

Speaking of the fuck boy, Adam Levine himself grabbed all the girl's attention as he walked down the hallway with his so-called posse. Behati Prinsloo was basically glued to his left side, while Christina was casually walking to his right. Cara Delevingne walked in the back along with Kendall Jenner, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber and him.

My eyes widen as I see him walk down the hallway. He looked cute with his blue button up, blue jeans and boots. His hair was still as out-of-control as ever. His eyes twinkled on the light reflecting from the ceiling. And, of course, his dimples are still the cutest thing in this world.

Wait, what am I doing?! I can't let him see me! I just slept with the dude two days ago!

I look down to the ground as he passes by. I try to blend in with Pharrell and Alicia, and I guess it works, because he didn't come up to me.

"Gwen?" Alicia asks. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I lie. "Just tired."

"Gwen," Alicia looks at me skeptically. Then, it's like something clicks in her brain. "Oh my gosh, Gwen! Are you glowing?"

My eyes widen. I take her arm in my hand and drag her into the bathroom, which was empty. "Shut up! People will hear you!"

She gasps. "So, you did have sex!"

I cringe. "You don't have to announce it to the whole world!"

"Who was it with? Anyone cute?" she asks.

I sigh. "Blake."

Her eyes go wide this time. "Blake? You mean the new kid!"

"Yes," I mutter.

"Dude!" she smirks. "So, what does this mean?"

"I have no idea what it means!" I claim. "Gavin literally broke up with me only a few weeks ago. I don't think I'm ready for another relationship."

"Then why did you sleep with him?" Alicia puts a hand on her hip.

"Because, I was a bundle of nerves, and it seemed like a good idea due to the fact that sexual tension was literally bouncing off the walls," I state.

"Maybe you two have something special," Alicia shrugs.

"This just all seems like a fairytale gone wrong. Gosh, I can't even go near him anymore it's so embarrassing!" I exclaim.

"Gwen," Alicia began. "You'll have to talk to him eventually."

I sigh. "I know, I just need some time to think about what we did."

The bell rings. "We can talk more about this later. Just remember that everyone makes mistakes once in a while. And, who knows, maybe it wasn't s mistake. Maybe it was destiny!" Alicia hugs me and runs to her class.

So, I feel guilty for what I did. I feel even more guiltier for wanting more.

I hope he wants more, too.

Until next time,
Gx