Calm Me Down (girlxgirl)

fourteen: shell

Emilia stood in front of me like she did in the battle but she was far away. I tried reaching out my hand, speaking, but I couldn't move an inch. This time, she stood wearing a white dress instead of her armour suit. From where I was, I saw streaks of blood on her white dress. It reminded me of how painful it was seeing her fight.

She approached me as the world slowed down around me. I watched as she took a step forwards, the winds brushed her hair brunette in the hair. As she got closer, my vision blurred even more. I squinted my eyes wanting her to move faster yet it just got slower. As she neared me, her face was getting clearer yet it seemed like they were changing. My vision got clearer and that's when I realised that Emilia's face changed into hers.

Lamia stood crouching to my height as she looked worried, too worried. She reached out her hands to rest on my face. I looked at her without moving. Feeling the tears make their way out and down my cheeks. But her touch left me at ease, I closed my eyes as the last tear rolled my cheek. Focusing on her touch that seemed to silence everything. Looking back up at her as she used her thumbs to wipe them. This time, she pulled my head to her neck as she engulfed me in an embrace.

I wish I could've told her how calm she had made me feel but all I could do was close my eyes and let her hold me. I wanted to tell her so many beautiful things that moment, I wanted to be the one who held her, comforted her and that I still don't deserve her. But she was still holding on to me like I was going to disappear.

I felt as she slowly brought my hand up to her chest where her calm heart beat and all too well, the noises stopped, the screams were gone. My breathing returned to normal as the beats of my chest were beautifully matching hers. Finally, my hearing cleared allowing me to hear her soothing hum.

As I pulled back, I didn't find myself near the hall or the battle room. Maximus knew me well enough to put me in a quiet part of the hall where no one could see what had happened. I was thankful, yet I looked up to see that he was no longer there.

I avoided Lamia's gaze out of embarrassment I never wanted to see how fragile or weak I was. I had to be the strong one and knowing what she had been through, it was me who needed to be there for her. I shut my eyes close as I shook my head slightly feeling like I had failed her. Her hands on my cheek made me turn to her but I kept my eyes down.

I hated this more than she knew.

"Hi" She whispered moving down to catch my eyes, I shut them again. Suddenly I felt her forehead touch mine as she waited for me to open my eyes

"I'm s-so-" I stuttered failing to compose myself as I shakily breathed in and swallowing hard.

"It's ok" She uttered and that was when I opened my eyes.

I could feel Athena calm down as well from pacing back and forth as Lisa was also near her.

"It's not" I managed to reply shaking my head again and trying to get up only to fail, I almost fell down but both her hands caught me.

"It is" She said as she helped me up, "You said so didn't you?" This time I looked at her eyes but only briefly.

"Well I lied so just forget it" I said too harshly seeing her flinched at my tone. I clutched my fist together, "Just leave me" I whispered seeing her look at me with pain behind her eyes.

I wanted to say sorry but I couldn't bring myself to utter them.

"You..make me not ok" I said immediately regretting my words seeing her take a step back.I wanted to step forward and grab her hands but instead I turned my back towards her. I trembled feeling my chest ache.

It was true because before her I didn't care about anything but myself. I was selfish and I was content with that, I was by myself and I learned to live with that. I stopped myself from feeling and I had learned to deal with that.