The College Mishaps: Second Year

2

October 11, 2017

Today is an important day, I guess...

For the past two weeks, nothing extremely important has been happening at school. Since I live on campus, I have been spending a lot of time with my friends and visiting other friend's places just to get out of my room for a bit. I have been more focused on work this quarter too. I find it better for me to read the chapter for the next lesson a few days before the lesson is actually taught, so I can focus on practicing the problems for the rest of the week. Lectures have become a form of review for me. So far, I have not had too much trouble with the understanding  of concepts. 

I'm sure most readers are not really interested in the daily recaps about my classes, but so far my classes are entertaining and exciting. I recently had a lab for one of my courses, and to keep it short, it was a blast. With my prior knowledge of the task my partner and I were able to complete the whole lab an hour early. With that hour to spare, we sat in one of the school's eating areas and got to know each other more. We both had the same class right after, so we thought it was best to just hang out and talk to each other instead of having to walk back to our places. He lived in the furthest side of the campus, and although my place was a little closer, I did not want to walk up several hills, just to come back down several minutes later. I have not exercised in a couple months, so it has been hard trying to get to class and not sweat too much.

Besides that, I have been trying to talk to more people and come off as friendly, even though my friend says that my stare can kill someone with the help of my eye makeup. That's because  I have been trying winged eyeliners and eye shadows recently. I still take about thirty minutes on average to do my makeup, but I like doing it so I don't mind spending that much time. 

So far, socially and academically, this quarter has been going on fine. I enjoy the little good things of everyday. I don't have to try too hard to be amused and entertained daily. The perks of having a shifting concentration. There are a lot of cons too, but lets be optimistic this quarter.

I've been trying to live by this motto from a book called "The Secret", I believe, which is "If you think it, and will it, then you can achieve it." It's not exactly that, but that's the major point of it. So, I've been living by that and I'm a lot more optimistic about my future. I've always, in a way, lived in the present, so I can not really say that the motto has changed my happiness. I do get a little down some days, but who doesn't these days? Tomorrow will be better, so I never beat myself up for "falling down".

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I am sure quite a lot of people may be here to hear about the drama of my nonexistent romantic life. I can't necessarily say there is drama, because this is in my head. I'm probably the only person thinking and feeling this way towards the people I will be talking about later on in this book.  There's that little disclaimer, I guess, so I should jump to the bitter tea.

I am sure, you guys know about Sean. Well, Sean has a friend and apartment mate, which I have been seeing often. In a weird twisted way, my brain has been wanting to see this friend of Sean's more often. I will try to walk out at time that I think I might see him, even though it never works out. I don't know his friend's name, nor do I wish to search him up, even though I can easily do so since we are in the same apartment group. For my sake and your sake, I will call him Board, since he rides a skateboard. Simple and not creative, I know, but I honestly hope I do not get too deep in this interest. 

I feel this strange feeling of- I don't even know how to describe it. It's like a strange feeling of seeing your crush and having your heart constantly beat so fast, while your face is in this tingly feeling that forces your mouth to be in a grin forever. I can not gracefully put the feeling into words, but I do wish you can relate to it.

It is not even directed towards anyone either. I just always have that feeling. Just to make it clear I do not have a crush on Board. Just a slight interest, as I always do with people I see often that pique my interests. This sort of leads me to how I feel about Sean, as there are still slight residual feelings towards him. However, since I have not seen him too often, I think less of him and my feelings are diminishing. Those include the feelings of hatred. I think I would rather just not even think about him at all.

This feeling also brings me to another very annoying message I am trying to tell you guys. Every time I think that I may have escaped the grips of Sean, Botfly for those of you who forgot his nickname, he appears in front of me again. Almost every time when I think I have moved on from him completely, the universe brings him in front of me again, to pull me back into the chaining feelings of first year. The feelings are not as strong as last year, but they are still there nonetheless. 

I second guess myself and try once again to push him out of my head. In a way, I am sort of fed up with these cheap tricks the universe is playing against me. As I'm writing this, I am slowing getting to that stage where I just want things to end between us. I want to universe to stop teasing me already. I need this "relationship" between me and Sean to end already. 

There just needs to be an instance in this quarter or earlier, where Sean and I actually meet up from some strange twist of fate, and we have a chat on our feelings for each other. By us, I really just mean him, because I am sure he should know that I don't like him. I just need to end this chapter in my life. I need to move on. From him and things from last year.

I need closure. 

Hopefully by the end of this month I get my closure. Universe! Give me my closure! Let's either end this relationship or move it on to something else. 

That's all for my message today.

May the universe treat you guys better than it is treating me in my romantic life.

Farewell for today,

Melanie