It's A Gay Thing

22 //

"Yes?" I question him, intentionally sassy.

"Oh, nothing."

"Let's be honest, it's never nothing with you."

He takes a step forward, "Are you okay?"

I freeze in my steps. I haven't been asked that question in a while. Ariana is hung up on this guy named Ian, some kid from another school who looks like a young DiCaprio, according to her. Dani's friends have been minding their business, trying to finish up their semester. Dani is unavailable emotionally to help me deal with any issues I have. And in the midst of all of that, Neil is the one to ask how I'm doing.

"What do you mean?" I reply.

"You just don't seem yourself lately. Been worried. You're less snappy."

"I'm just busy and tired. You shouldn't be offended by my lack of insults."

"Business and tiredness is how you start hating your life. Just remember that."

He walks into another room. This is the most honest I've ever seen him and his advice wasn't ridiculous.

A car beeps. It sounds like Dani's. She bought it three weeks ago with money she'd been saving up for a year. I walk over to the car and sit in the passenger side. The car reeks of weed, so much so that I had to lower the window to air it out. I look over and she's dress very modestly – a polo and ripped jeans. I pulled out my black dress and favorite earrings for tonight. I think I'm overdressed.

"Where are we headed?" I ask her.

"Harold's steakhouse."

That was a dry reply. I follow it up, "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

She's in a bad mood and it's obvious. She's been this way all week, so it isn't exactly surprising, just annoying.

"How are finals going?" I ask her.

"They're fine."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"No, actually what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I mean it."

"I don't believe you."

"Then don't believe me. But I'm fine."

Every conversation is a struggle with her these days. I sigh, to express my frustration, and stare out of the window. Hopefully the rest of dinner won't be like this.

We pull up to the steakhouse. This place is rather fancy so Dani is the one underdressed in this case. It makes me feel better but also annoyed that my date and I are not on the same page. We walk in and see the others. Dani and I sit face-to-face along with the others and their significant other. Alex is with this soft-spoken girl Maddie, Tony with Lana, and Blue with Lisa.

"Nice to see everyone," Tony says. Dani lowers her head. "I want everyone to know that if they were invited to this dinner, it means that I cherish and value them as friends of mine."

We all smile. All but Dani who keeps her head down. My foot caresses her calf under the table. I get her attention.

"What's up?" I whisper to her, as the others talk about rollercoasters.

"Nothing, I'm good."

That last reply whiffed a distinct scent my way, "Are you high?" She keeps silent. "You've got to be fucking kidding me Dani."

That catches everyone's attention. I didn't want the stares from all people at the table to be on me but here we are.

"What's going on?" Blue asks me.

"Dani's high out of her mind and drove us like that," I answer.

Tony clenches his teeth and starts speaking to Dani, in a friendly, considerate way for an intoxicated person to understand. We haven't even ordered drinks yet and I'm already walking out. I sit on a brick ledge at the parking lot and start crying. My relationship with Dani is turning to shreds so fast and there's nothing I can do about it.

Quickly after, Lana finds me and sits next to me. She pulls me into a hug and it's so comforting.

"I'm so sorry about all of this," Lana tells me.

"She's becoming a wreck," I sob. "She's becoming a fucking wreck and there's nothing I can do to stop it. She refuses to get help and I don't know what to do."

Lana waits before speaking, "Before I dated Tony, I was with a guy named Eric. He was my first boyfriend. I was super in love with this boy. Everything about him made my heart melt. I just knew he was the guy for me, my everything type of love. Well, Eric loved to party. He'd get trashed every weekend on molly in raves to EDM. I'd find out that he was lying to me about locations, about the friends he was with, about the girls he was supposedly only friends with. But I forgave because I loved him and because I didn't know that I could find someone other than Eric to give my heart to. I stayed a year with him, trying to fix him and clean his mess wherever he went. But it didn't work. I had to leave. He was dragging me down with him and I couldn't put my life aside for him. You can't fix Dani. She needs serious help from professionals who can assess her mental health and trauma. It's not your job to make sure she gets to that stage."

"I don't want to give up on her."

"You shouldn't have to give up on yourself just to be with her."

Those words pierced me. I felt them in my gut.

"If those boys hadn't bothered you that night, we wouldn't be here talking about this," I say, more calmly.

"Things happen. You can't think about the past like that."

We both turn our heads towards the entrance of the restaurants, where familiar loud voices are heard. Alex and Dani are arguing. So much for a celebration.

"How long do you expect to be a fuck up, Dani, and get away with it?"

"I could ask you the same damn question," Dani retorts.

"At least, I don't make my girl baby me."

I blink and Alex has her hands on her jaw, while Dani is shaking her hand off. Alex looks back at her and is about to charge her but a middle-aged couple separates them before it can get any worse. Lana and I get up and rush over. That line by Alex did not warrant a punch. It wasn't that strong of a roast.

"Fuck all this shit," Dani yells before turning around. She gets in her car.

Alex storms back inside and Lana runs in with her. I thank the couple and watch Dani drive off. She starts to pull out of the parking lot. Her silver car enters the wrong lane and before I can yell anything, an SUV slams into Dani's side door.