shame s.m

twenty nine

friday 4:15 p.m

amalie waited patiently for shawn. her friends decided to leave half an hour ago since they didn't want it to be awkward when shawn arrives, but right now amalie's wondering if he's actually going to show up.

after paying for her drink, she decided to go outside for some fresh air and to think about what aisha said.

were they really that toxic? well, when shawn and amalie met, they weren't exactly the best of friends. in fact, amalie hated the guy, and only went out with him so that he could apologize to natalie. next, shawn is extremely secretive. amalie had to find out about his dead sister through a family friend. finally, shawn is throwing their whole relationship away because he doesn't trust amalie.

yes, one can argue that amalie changed him for the better, but right now it seems like shawn's going back to who he was, and amalie lost herself. pre-shawn amalie would've dropped his ass the minute he started ignoring her, but she couldn't just drop him, because as twisted as it sounds, amalie loves him.

she loved how he'd call her princess. she loved how he'd text her telling her to go to sleep at two in the morning because he knew that she was up studying. she loved how he'd make her hot cocoa when she was stressed. he was far from perfect, but he made her feel loved. and deep down, she had hope that he still loves her.

her thoughts were interrupted by the slam of a car door. her heart began to beat fast as she saw shawn walking towards her.

"you weren't kidding when you said that you were in a rush." amalie said.

"plane leaves at 8." shawn replied as he shoved his hands in his pocket. "you wanted to talk."

amalie handed her phone to him, "just listen."

shawn put one earphone in and played the recording. he heard her brother admitting that he spiked her drink and that he took the photos, but didn't do anything with her.

he felt a wave of relief wash over him, but he couldn't take her back. falling in love wasn't part of the plan. the plan was that he'd stay one year at nyu then move back to toronto. falling in love with a girl wasn't meant to happen. occasional hook ups were fine, but this was not.

"now do you believe me?" amalie asked as she took back her phone.

"yes."

"then why are you moving to toronto?"

"because i want to." shawn answered.

"how long will you be there?"

"i think for the rest of my life."

amalie looked down at her feet before staring into shawn's eyes. she couldn't read his expression, "what about us?"

shawn shrugged trying to avoid the eyes that he fell for, "what about us?" he repeated sarcastically.

"is it just over?" amalie asked.

"yup."

"just like that?"

shawn finally got the courage to look at her in the eyes and said, "i'm not in love with you."

amalie looked down and bit at her cheek, trying not to let the tears fall. once she collected herself she began to talk.

"we both know that's not true." she said. receiving an eye roll from shawn. "if you didn't love me you wouldn't have gone through all this trouble to move to another country so you wouldn't have to see me anymore. that's why you're being so cold."

"no, amalie. i'm cold because that's how i am and i'm moving because i wasn't planning on staying in new york. i wasn't planning on being with you. all i wanted was an occasional fuck."

amalie scoffed as she shook her head, "i always wondered why you're so smart. just to defend your asshole behavior to yourself?" she said sarcastically. "you tell yourself that's how you are? is it because your dad was a dick? because you had a tragic childhood? is that what you say to yourself? that your sorry for yourself that you can't fault your own behavior?"

shawn stayed silent trying to find the words to say, but he couldn't. just like the first time they met. when amalie called him out for hurting natalie's feelings.

amalie wasn't done, "people experience horrible things everyday, yet they still manage to be nice to other people. being an asshole is not something you're born with, or something you become. it's a choice! it's also a choice to let your brother destroy what was between us. what's the plan? you're just gonna walk around toronto and be an asshole there, because your brother was mean to you? because your girl hurt you?"

"i don't know." shawn muttered.

"then let me educate you." amalie said. "you can hurt me, but promise me i'll be the last one that you hurt. girls are not toys. you don't own them. you can't just throw them away when you get bored or if they don't do exactly what you say."

"you think i'm just throwing you out?" shawn spat.

amalie rolled her eyes, "look around, mendes. you're running off to toronto without fixing the mess you left behind."

"i have to go." shawn said feeling defeated as he walked back to his car.

amalie shut her eyes in frustration until it hit her that he was actually leaving. he was leaving for toronto and never coming back. she would never see him again.

she took her phone out of her pocket and dialed pia.

"amalie?" pia answered. "is everything okay?"

"no," amalie said biting her lip. "he- he really left. he told me he didn't love me. god, i was such a bitch to him."

"don't say that, it's what he deserves." pia said feeling sorry for her friend.

"he's really leaving, he must hate me so much," amalie cried as she began to regret all the rude things she said to him, but little did she know that shawn was feeling the same way.

"do you want me to pick you up?" pia asked.

"yeah, can you-" amalie was cut off when she felt a pair of hands snake around her waist as she inhaled the familiar scent of musk.

she turned around to see him. before she could open her mouth to say something, shawn placed his lips on hers and kissed her passionately.

"amalie lassnier, you're so damn stubborn, and cruel, and brutally honest, and i just can't seem to stay away from you." shawn chuckled.

"shut the fuck up, mendes you know you love me." amalie laughed kissing him again.

"i love you so much."