A Thousand Purple Stars (JinJi)

Business as Usual

Would she even want to date Jinyoung?

She couldn't say for sure that the way she felt around him matched her idea of true love. And she had always told herself that she couldn't date anyone who didn't make her feel that way. So it didn't make sense, the way she felt toward him. This was the first time someone had ever made her want to break her own rules.

But what if this really was all just about the money for him?

She checked the time on her computer and saw that it was noon. Earlier that day, he had messaged her, asking if he could come by the office to see her during her lunch break. He didn't tell her why. Jisoo pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down. She came up with a plan.

When they met today, she would hand him the money. If he took it, then she'd know that it was all just a business transaction to him. And then she could do her job and stamp out these silly feelings before they could seriously hurt her.

Jinyoung was on the subway en route to the offices of Jeon & Sky Publishing to meet Jisoo. He took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, going over the plan again in his head. He would hand her the book, and then he would tell her how he felt.

After that night at the publication party, Jinyoung was at odds with himself. Two voices battled each other in his head, trying convince him that either the kiss was real or that he'd just done it to placate her coworkers.

You didn't have to kiss her.

Julie Kiyoko was watching.

You could have kissed her hand.

Her coworkers would have demanded more.

You could have kissed her cheek.

Julie Kiyoko wanted us to kiss on the mouth.

You didn't have to.

I know. But I wanted to.

Jinyoung was the type of person whose actions were ruled by rationality and logic. He never did anything without first thinking it through and coming up with a course of action that would yield the most favorable results. So telling Jisoo that he had feelings for her beyond the scope of their agreement without first knowing her own feelings was a risk. Still, he knew he had to do it. This was the first time Jinyoung wanted to take a leap of faith instead of playing it safe.

He kept think about that night, kept thinking about how her hand felt in his while they danced, kept thinking about how stunning she looked when she was smiling and twirling under the lights and back into his arms. He kept thinking about how she had gone off on Nawon in front of the library, how she seemed to just understand without a single word.

Jinyoung thought he had locked these old, childish feelings away for good, but these past months, they'd burst out and besieged him yet again, stronger. And this time they wouldn't let him go unless he did something about it.

When he got off at the stop for Jeon & Skye Publishing, Jinyoung left his nerves in the carriage and tried to ascend to the ground floor with high spirits and confidence. He had seen the way she looked at him ever since the kiss. It was different. She felt something for him, too. He was almost sure she did.

He walked down the street until he reached the building, book in hand. When Jinyoung got closer, he saw Jisoo leaning against the wall, fidgeting with something behind her back. He checked the time and saw that it was only 12:45.

"You're early," he said. When he got closer, he saw her eyes widen. They're different, he thought to himself.

"No, I'm not," she said. "You're late."

"I thought you said your lunch break was at 12:50?" he said.

"That was my old job," Jisoo said, smirking. "My new lunch break is at 12:15. I should have told you. Whatever it is, it'll have to be fast. I need to get back to work."

Jinyoung's spirits dampened somewhat. He had been hoping to get her away from the offices, maybe to a coffee shop nearby where they could talk quietly, alone. But he decided not to let this small hiccup ruin his plans. His heart was too full. No matter what, he was going to tell her the truth about his feelings. But he didn't want to just spring them on to her, so he decided to start with the book.

"I have something for you," he said, smiling and holding the book up.

"Oh, me, too," Jisoo said. Jinyoung was curious.

"Okay," he said. "You go first, then."

Jisoo took her hands from her back and then handed him a blush-colored envelope thick with wads of cash. Jinyoung's smile faded.

You're an idiot, he thought to himself.

Of course. Right. This was how it was between them. A quid pro quo, something for something. Business as usual.

His heart felt crushed as he reached out slowly and took the envelope from her. Jisoo swallowed hard as the envelope went from her hand to his.

You stupid girl, she thought to herself. How could she forget that this was all just an arrangement?

But Jisoo shoved aside her feelings of hurt. She cleared her throat. "It's all in there," she said, trying to sound more put together than she was feelings. "$200, and your new log-in info, so you can access your new, free Embrace subscription. As promised."

She laughed lightly, but Jinyoung's face was blank for a beat longer. Then, he smiled, too. Though she noticed that it wasn't his real smile.

"Um, thank you," he said quietly, then he scoffed. "I was... wondering when you were getting to this."

"It does take a few weeks for me to get on their pay roll," Jisoo said. "Anyway, you said you had something, too?"

"Oh, right," Jinyoung said. He handed the book to her and Jisoo received it with both hands.

It was Malice by Keigo Higashino. The book Nawon had returned to him unread.

"I figured your book shelf could use a little variety," Jinyoung said. "You should read it. It's about a writer who kills another writer but no one knows why, but one persistent detective is determined to find out."

Jisoo smirked.

"So what are you trying to tell me?" Jisoo said, flipping the book over to read the back flap. "That you think this is the start of my descent into a serial murderous rage?"

"With your talent for making up stories, I wouldn't put it past you," Jinyoung said, smiling softly. "Anyway, I just... had that lying around. You mentioned you liked his other book, so I thought you'd like this one, too. You don't have to read it if you're too busy."

Jisoo looked at him sadly. "I'm helping Dara find someone to write the short feature," she said. Jinyoung shrugged.

"Why don't you write it?" he said.

"Dara says new girls don't write short features," Jisoo said. She looked down at her feet sadly and Jinyoung wanted to put his arms around there, and then shake her and tell her that she was a writer and that she ought to be writing. But he didn't. After she thanked him again for the book and he thanked her for the payment, Jisoo said that she had to go back to work. So they turned and went their separate ways.

Back on the subway, Jinyoung scolded himself again. He prided himself in being the kind of person who valued right and wrong more keenly than most. He shouldn't have gotten too involved. In fact, he should have told Jisoo then and there that he no longer wanted any part in her little scam, that he was done being used by her, done letting her use him to lie to people and get what she wanted.

But then a voice in his head told him that if he did that, he might never see her again. And that wasn't what he wanted either. He sat back against his seat on the train, frustrated and heartbroken and $200 richer with money no longer meant anything to him.