Female Bilbo Bagginshield short story

Fem!Bilbo

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us, but we number just thirteen, and not thirteen of the best, nor brightest." Balin told.

The dwarves started their bickering again until Fili put his fist down on the table. "We may be few in number. But we're fighters, all of us! To the last dwarf!"

"And you forget we have a wizard in our company, Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." Kili added.

Gandalf started to protest but then Dori ask how many, and they started their bickering again.

"Oh, um... please, please." Bilba said trying to calm them, but Thorin stood.

"Enough!" He shouted, shutting everyone up. "If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look East to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" He continued.

"You forget the front gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain." Balin told.

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." Gandalf said and held up a key.

"How did you come by this?" Thorin asked.

"It was given to me by your father by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf told him.

"If there is a key." Fili spoke. "There's must be a door."

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls." Gandalf said and gestured to the map.

"There's another way in." Kili spoke with a smirk.

"Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed. The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it, but there are others in Middle-Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage. But if we're careful and clever, I believe that it can be done." Gandalf told.

"That's why we need a burglar." Ori said.

"Hmm. And a good one too. An expert, I'd imagine." Bilba said, finally including into the conversation.

"And are you?" Gloin asked.

Bilba frowned her brows. "Am I what?"

"She said she's an expert!" Oin said with joy.

"Me? No! No, No, No! I...I'm not a burglar. I've never stolen a thing in my life." Bilba defended.

"And I'm afraid I have to agree with Miss Baggins." Balin spoke. "She's hardly burglar material."

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." Dwalin said.

The dwarves started talking over each other again, and honestly it was giving Bilba a headache.

Gandalf suddenly stood. "Enough! If I say Bilba Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar she is! Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose, and while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of a dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Miss Baggins. There's a lot more to her than appearances suggest. And she's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including herself." Gandalf told them. "You must trust me on this."

"Very well, we'll do it your way." Thorin said.

"No, no." Bilba said, touching Thorin's shoulder sort of as a reflex as if that would change anything.