Drop of Magic (Malec)

Bonus Chapter (7) Starting Over

I don't think there's a "right" way to do this, to "come out", and I wish that I was a part of one of those families where I could just go out on dates with boys and my parents wouldn't bat a lash. But even Jace and Izzy have to pass their dates through our parents. If they don't fit the right criteria, they're out of the running. Marrying into the Lightwood family is probably just as hard as being born into it.

My legs feel like they're moving without me as I make my way over to my parents. It's starting to get dark outside, twilight hanging in the sky. Stopping at the side of the couch, I see my dads head turn slightly to look at me.

"Hey, Alec, what's up?" He asks, shifting slightly to face me better. Swallowing back the sick I feel rising in my throat, I wring my hands together nervously. My mother turns to me as well and stands, walking over and cupping my face in her hands worriedly. Well, sort of worried. That's the thing with her, all emotions are buried beneath a layer of pride and indifference. She's not the kind of mom that often gives hugs and makes cookies. She's the type that puts you in your place and makes sure you remember it.

"Alec, you look pale, is everything alright?" I feel her press the back of her hand to my forehead to check for fever and for a moment I think it'll be okay. She loves me, she has to. So does my dad. They're my parents, they love me. They have to.

"I have something to tell you." I trip over the words like mistakes but I swallow the stumble and look into her eyes. She raises a brow and briefly smooths her thumb across my cheekbone in such a maternal, warm way that I feel safe and loved.

"Of course, anything." I watch as my dad stands up and stays a couple feet behind her, watching me curiously. I notice that Max is no longer fumbling over the alphabet and Izzy and Jace aren't asking him too.

I've always hated being in the spotlight and I'm dead centre right now.

"I'm gay." It sounds to me like saying anything. It doesn't sound new, or wrong, or strange. I feel like I've just told my mom and dad that I'm a guy, or that I have eyes.

But it's the way she drops her hands from my face like I've burned her that tells me I'm wrong.

My father looks passive in the background, a thin veil of fear visible in his eyes, but he says and does nothing. Izzy and Jace form neat statues on the living room floor, but I don't miss the way Jace's expression shifts into one of confusion and question.

I feel like an outsider, like a mistake.

My skin feels all wrong and disgusting and all I want to do is run away from everything, this situation, my parents, this house, myself.

When I glance back at my mother, there's fire in her eyes and rage in her chest. She shakes her head once, twice, three times, as if denying it will make the words clinging to the air around us disappear.

To the rest of New York, it's a normal, calm Friday night. But in this room, I'm suffocating.

The silence feels like it lasts forever. I can faintly notice Jace standing in the background, picking Max up into his arms and turning towards the stairs, the same look of confusion and distance in his eyes. It kills me.

And then the silence shatters. Suddenly, my mother's hands are back. They're on my shoulders, shaking me, on my wrists, gripping them too tight and I want to ask her to stop but I choke on the words. Her voice snaps out like a reflex, calling me names I don't think I've ever heard, things I would never call someone.

Mistake. Disappointment. Wreck. Disgusting. Abomination. Disgrace.

Each word buries itself into my head and heart, breaking down parts of me I didn't even know were there.