I always hurt. It feels like I'm always suffering from something. That I'm slowly losing another person in my life. I fear that one day, everyone will stop loving me. I will just be known as a stranger. I wanted to be a better person, but it's hard. Its too hard.
Erin, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you called me. I'm sorry I ignored your calls over something petty. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I don't know how to comfort you when your sad, I'm sorry I fucked up your life and made things bad for you. I'm sorry that I'm emotional and clingy. I'm sorry that I'm not a good girlfriend. You probably just think of me as a girl you know.
Lucas, I'm sorry that I can be a really shitty friend. I'm sorry that I don't know how to comfort you when your hurt or sad and I just go quiet. I'm sorry for those times where I would shut down and not talk to you for days straight.
Karen, I'm sorry for shitty things I've said, I'm sorry for hurting you. In sorry for being such a failure to you. I'm sorry for not talking to you because I was so focused on someone else to remember that youve been with me ever since I was little.
I'm sorry that I'm such a pitiful creature.
I hate when people hurt me. It just makes me a weaker person. I have to put on a mask of happiness when I'm really not happy, when I'm hurting and burning. It just feels as if everyone doesn't know what's happening. If you didn't know, I took a test. It was a personality disorder test. I was there for hours. After the visit a few days passed. I got diagnosed with a very mild case of depression. My therapist notice how I seemed to isolate myself when I'm sad. And im sad often.
People at school don't know this. My parents barely care. Just don't be surprised when you see me on the news, all mangled up and bruised. Because a person can only fight the fight for so long, until they fall. Im just starting to slip, I'm slowly releasing my last air of breath.
