Reborn

Chapter 1

Opening the red oak doors to the home I grew up in was harder than I'd like to admit. It was a symbol of accepting the new yet familiar life waiting for me, living for the acceptance of others can take its toll when you know it's the only way to accomplish anything in life. Never being one for hiding behind fake smiles and praises made me stick out like a rabbit amongst snakes. People addressing me on how happy they are to hear of my return from boarding school to how beautiful I look in my channel dress; then a few minutes later whispering comments on how I look too pale for the the deep violet dress sticking to my skin and that I could've graduated top of my class if not for being a whore. They slowly strangle the confidence and drive out of me till I've deflated into an unapproachable shut down shell.

That was the life ahead of me. Not appealing in the slightest.

Immediately following my arrival into the foyer I am greeted by the sight of my life long family maid. The warmth I feel from being swept into a familiar embrace makes me think everything will be better this time, but stepping back and looking into the eyes of Alice I know that will not be the case.

We don't speak for a minute. Needing to take in the changes in each other before breaking the silence and when it's broken it comes in the form of a sob rising from the depths of a devastated woman. Thinking Alice would be be the one to get emotional first was an illusion to keep me strong in the final moments of travel.

My face scrunched up when the ache in my chest arises causing the tears in my eyes to fall. Alice being one to not be fazed pulled me back in to her arms comforting me in a way that she's done so many times before.

"I've missed you so much." I said still sobbing
"I'm so so sorry. I couldn't. I couldn't do it.

"Miss Lucy you cannot dwell on the past. You are here now and that's all that matters."

The guilt that built up from not visiting while gone made me feel like a little girl waiting to be disciplined but she made it seem as if my avoidance was as bad as not doing homework.

As if knowing my thoughts she looked up into my eyes radiating understanding and warmth.

"Lets drink some tea and get you unpacked. How about that?"

Nodding while wiping my cheeks with my sleeves we left my luggage by the door as she guided me into a kitchen fit for a five-star restaurant.

The next two hours flew by with retellings of my life over the past four years. I told her of how I met my roommate/best friend at my barista job in downtown Chicago, how I would go out to bars and dance without feeling ashamed, how I was happy to be free. It was the best four years of my life yet I feel guilty for the way I was able to get to that point. Telling my parents the week I was supposed to leave for college that I was in fact not going at all, I was going to leave and had no plans on coming back soon. It wasn't their fault, they tried to keep the whispers from reaching my ears and shield me from the criticism. It just wasn't possible. They had a company to run and a social life to excel at. I was only making it harder on them with my countless mood swings and tantrums. But looking back they were not tantrums or mood swings at all. They were normal reactions from what was thrown at me. I grew up while away and knowing who and what I am makes it easier to see what is right and wrong.