Purpose ❆ Benny Rodriguez

26 | peace

　"Um . . . I guess so."

　Unbothered, Ivy's smirk returned. "Now it's your turn to tell me about you and Phillips. Spill the dirty secrets." She wiggled her eyebrows, to which I laughed.

　"Nothing," I answered, smiling all the while. "It's the truth. I guess I'm not the type of person to kiss people for fun. Plus I'm not over Benny. I couldn't even like anyone at this point."

　Frowning, Ivy said, "I'm having a hard time believing that. You don't feel anything for him?"

　I turned my head again to avoid Ivy's eyes. She began to run her fingers through my hair, and I pondered. "No," I finally answered. "He's just a friend."

　"Nothing. You don't get a little nervous when he comes over? You don't feel little knots in your stomach when he's close to you? Or – "

　"All right, Ivy!" I broke in, eyes widening. Now my heart was pounding. "I guess I do – But it doesn't mean anything!"

　But Ivy was already laughing, throwing her hands in the air. "I knew it! See, just go for him. Even if you don't really like him, it's a good way to make Benny realize what he's missing out on."

　For a moment I considered it. Jordan and his lips against mine – the thought gave me chills. Holding his hand, and touching him in ways I normally wouldn't. Having someone to hold me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear and make my heart happy. Having Jordan do all of that. A small portion of me could see it.

　The majority of my heart declined the idea, pushed it away. Only Benny could satisfy me. I loved him, and I always would.

　"No," I sighed, closing my eyes. "I don't think I really like Jordan. Maybe it's just because he gives me attention while Benny doesn't. But he's my friend, and I wouldn't want to lead him on. And I couldn't imagine myself being happy with anyone besides Benny."

　Ivy sighed. "If I were you, I would do it. But I guess that's why you're better than me. Either way, I think it'll work out in the end. He did just lose his mother. I guess it's not that surprising that he's acting out. But he can straighten out, and you two will be happy again. Or you'll move on. In the end you'll win, no matter what happens."

　I held back my thoughts that said I could never get over him. The depression, for the most part, had dissolved, but there was always an emptiness in my chest. A piece of my heart had been ripped away, and the fate of that portion rested in Benny's hands. It would come back someday, or it never would.

　"Can we just do something?" I burst, suddenly sitting up to meet Ivy's gaze evenly. "Let's go out."

　Ivy's mouth curled. "Can I do your makeup?"

　My face fell flat. "Why. Why do you do this to me?"

　"Because I love you!" Ivy grinned.

　

♡

　

Despite the fact that it was Sunday, the skating rink was open and nearly full. Mostly teenagers infested the rink and every corner, the booths and game area. I'd never been, but Ivy said she used to come every Saturday. Even now it was a popular hangout spot.