[One Shot ] Change

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It was when I befriended you that I realized what being understood meant. For once, I was not alone anymore, wasting myself away in the dark corners of my mind. I finally had a friend. Someone who told me stories of the far off in its raspy, hoarse voice; in whose cold touch I found the warmth I desired for years. You were my caffeine, my booster.

But those quiet walks in the neighborhood park, with the moon shining brightly over us, was what I always looked forward to. With the people scurrying away to their homes, from the early darkness you brought, it would assure me in some way. I don't need them, and neither do you. And together in my slow unsteady steps, and your graceful ballet, I found my eye in this storm.

He came when it was hardest for me to say goodbye to you. With the soft smile on his tanned face, hand tightly gripped around a bouquet of freshly picked yellow roses, I refused to let go of you. But you tapped my cheek lightly, as a familiar sensation went up my spine, and bid your farewell. I remember crying into my pillow that night. It had been after so long that I found solace in someone and yet, had to part with it. I decided to be what I used to be before you. Stubborn.

But if anything, he became more persistent. His unwavering patience with me was admirable and as days turned into weeks, I found my resolve dissolving. With slow, hesitant steps, I let him into a small part of my life.

My days were now spent in activities I never imagined myself doing. Either was it swinging high enough to touch the skies while watching the sun wake up from its deep slumber or a light snack under the comfort of a tree or the struggle to find a four-leaf clover because we just wanted to be lucky. Or just lying there under the evening sun, reminiscing and catching up with our separate lives as the sky darkened. He brought with him a sense of nostalgia, that innocence as a kid I used to have. It felt strange and foreign; the sudden lightness of my heart and it intimidated me. I was scared of the dreams and expectations that had begun to strike against my now weakened walls. But he would gently put my hand in his and assure me.

It was okay to be happy.

It was under the hot blazing sun, sipping that cold lemonade when realization had hit me hard. Looking at us, I registered how far I had come. Gone was the sullen look on my face, now replaced with the soft tan from spending hours beneath the sky. As I glance over your laid back form, a surge of emotions shake my body. I had never been this much aware of myself before. Until you came.

Now, I feel like I could go on, that maybe I finally have a chance. That after every sunset, there's indeed the dawn to look forward to. I had widened my horizons, my life now painted with vibrant colors, the black long left behind. My eyes dart over the small branch of the tree, where that little bird was stretching its wings for its first flight. I was that too now, learning to soar high with your assuring presence behind me.

Enjoy while it lasts. An expression I had always despised yet seems to be happening to me. I had begun to notice the change in you. You became quiet, reserved. Silence became our new friend, duo turned to trio. The darkness that I thought I had buried deep began to resurface again.

Doubts and fears hugged me at night, as I laid on my bed, another sleepless night for me. Subtly I confided the distress I was in to you, afraid of getting sucked into that black hole again. But your optimism tried to convince me, that our days may be outnumbered, but not finished. That this was only a tiny break in our forever.

I gave you a smile and you returned it. Nothing more needed to be said.

With your departure came the arrival of my old friend. But instead of greeting it, I hid myself in the loneliness of my room. No amount of its banging on my bedroom door could raise me from my bed, where I curled myself in a ball, each day and night, helplessly holding onto your promise. I craved for you, like the sky did for even a slight glance from the sun those days.

But to me it felt like an eternity had passed by with no sign of you. And I was just left clutching tightly to your empty promise with my last breaths.

Cause in your absence, someone else came too. Someone with whom I thought had cut off all ties. But it came back, not ready to accept my leave, stronger and determined than before. And I found myself weak and worn out. And only later, surrendering myself and putting an end to this long fought war.

You said you were always the fastest among your peers. Guess even you cannot beat Death.

It took all of his strength to hold onto her diary and not let it fall on the ground. His whole body shuddered dangerously with each breath of his; despite the dazzling sun. Each of her words was an arrow straight to his heart, piercing it in all directions. He had never felt this much pain in his life and that was not even an understatement. The wounds inflicted on his body would heal; those on his heart would not. With every beat, every thump of it, it would be a reminder that life had been cruel to them. That he was still there breathing that morning air while she was there, buried beside his feet, cold and silent

If he could, he would have just stayed there and cry his heart out, until there wasn't a single drop of water in his body. But he still had something to do. She still had something to say to him.

I was a broken, welted flower when you found me. Alone and scared, unsure how to deal with what nature threw at me. But like those first rays of sunshine that convince you to get up from your bed, you came to me.

I was hesitant and scared, not wanting to take a leap only to fall back harder. You assured me and I began to find strength in myself, the desire to live growing inside of me. Your attention, love and care nurtured me and soon I realized that maybe I really could have a chance at life.

You knew I was scared of you leaving, just like I knew that you didn't have any other option.

Maybe your time in my life was only meant to be short lived. And in our happiness, we didn't realize that we would reach the expiration date so soon.

I will not complain. I may have not been able to live my childhood with you, nor let you see me grow older. But I lived a few days of my youth with you, and I'm content. I had long learned not to be greedy and that was the only thing that made me stay put at the doorway and not run after you and stop you.

I'm sorry that the flower you planted before leaving couldn't blossom and greet the morning sun. But I know that our loss is insignificant. You may not have been able to say your farewell to me, hold me once more in your arms or that I will never be able to put my head in the crook of your neck and feel all the worries leave me one last time. But because of you, countless others are now able to do just that. And I guess that should be enough for both of us.

Thank you for being my sunshine even if it was for a little while.

And just like for all those numerous children and people out there, I too owe you for being my knight in shining armor.

I have and always will, love you Dad

He quickly folds the letter, afraid that his tears would spoil the ink. His whole body had gone numb, unsure what to do. The pain of knowing that he had been almost always absent from his daughter's life will never leave him. But that short period with her, even if it was hardly a year, was his greatest treasures. And as his callused fingers trace her name on the cold gravestone; his heart felt a strange sort of calmness.

She had fought a long war with Cancer, and died a hero's death.

A soldier's daughter till her last breath.