Fantine - An Adopted by Lin-Manuel Miranda Story

Chapter 8

I woke up what seemed like only moments later, but without Lin's legs underneath my head.  Woozily, I looked around while my head still spun from sitting up too quickly.  My stomach still felt compressed and I still felt an immense pounding in my head, but I was trying to feel fine.

I tried to wait a bit longer, but my stomach was clenching up, begging for food.  Even on the streets, I still found some way to haggle some food.  I've never felt this hungry in my life.  It felt like I was getting shot repeatedly in the abdomen.  I looked around at the room around me, it now kind of familiar.  I found a mirror and feebly walked over to it, examining myself with concern.  My arms were skinny as sticks, my eyes sunken and sallow.  Despite the baggy shirt, I could easily imagine what was beneath it.  Lightly tanned skin which stretched over a small ribcage, bones visible as the sun in the sky on a cloudless day.  Weak, I made my way back over to the couch, collapsing on it the moment that I was near enough to land on it.

Suddenly, the door opened and I immediately curled up, memories flooding back to me.  When I saw Chris and Lin's endearing eyes, however, I felt more safe than I had before.  Lin said, "Hey kiddo.  How're you doing?" and I didn't answer.  Instead, I took a deep breath and psyched myself up yet again, more nervous than a mouse under the pursuit of a blood-thirsty cat. I thought, "I can't do this. But I need to," and then let out the air in my lungs, near to choking on air. My heart was pounding in my ears as I took what would be my final breath before I told them. Quickly, I spluttered out, "I thought you were gonna hurt me." Lin said, "What?" and I said again, "Hurt me. I thought you were going to hurt me." Chris and Lin both said in unison again, "What?" I got frustrated with myself, not being able to say it slowly enough for them to understand. As if they were children who didn't understand how to add two and two, I slowly explained, "I thought that you were going to hurt me. Like Jason did." Both of them audibly gasped. Lin's mouth dropped open, words begging to drop out. Chris beat him to it, saying, "Who's Jason?" and I stuttered out, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Chris said, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I need you to tell me. Please." I coughed and spluttered, not able to find words to describe the vile son of a bitch.

Abruptly, I found my words.  I said, "He was my brother.  Also known as her father."  Again, I earned distinct gasps.  Lin said, "I'm so sorry-" but I cut him off.  I said, "I know.  But being sorry won't change the past.  Charlotte's been here for two years.  I've been raped.  It's not like we can change that.  Plus, even though having her was a traumatic experience, I wouldn't give her for the world."  They both nodded simultaneously and then Lin asked, "Can I give you a hug?" and I gratefully nodded.  He sat down on the couch and hugged me, somehow not expecting the skin and bone hug that he got.  Chris said, "Oh god, I'm such a horrible adult figure.  Do you want something to eat or drink since you threw up?"  I had forgotten about that, somehow.  Quickly, I nodded and said, "Yes, please.  I'm absolutely starved."  He said, "Water and a sandwich?" and I nodded again and asked, "Lin, could you stay with me?  I don't want to be alone again."  His eyes filled with abysmally deep sorrow and he said, "No, sorry.  I have to go on for the first song after the intermission, which we're in right now."  I said, "Alright," in a blatantly disappointed voice.  

As soon as I finished speaking, I heard a voice over the speakers call for a ten minute call.  Lin said, "Well, I'll go change in the bathroom, since you're in here.  See you when I get off."  I nodded while he picked up a change of costume and went through a door to change.  A few minutes later, he came back in, fully dressed.  As he went out the door, Chris came in with a bottle of water and a turkey and mozzarella sandwich.  I thanked him profusely and then nearly inhaled the sandwich, only merely sipping the water.  After I was done, he said that he had to go on.  I frowned, but knew that he had to, so I bid him goodbye.