if i believe you | negan

chapter xiii.

"There's only one thing I care about. And it ain't you, sweetheart." He said, keeping his eyes glued to the road. I turned away, facing the window and felt the tears cascade down my cheeks. His words stung, his words broke me.

And suddenly, I didn't want anything he had given me. But at the same time, I wanted to cherish what he had given me. I wanted to cherish the man he could be, the man he should be. If he couldn't keep that man alive, then I knew I had to. For my child's sake, for my own sake.

~

We pulled into the open gates of a familiar community and as we stepped out of the trucks, I pulled in some familiar faces. Enid was the first to see me, her arms outreached for a hug that I desperately needed.

"y/n! Wow, you're pregnant?" She asked, surprise overtaking her voice. I nodded my head and was caught off guard when I noticed Sasha rushing towards me. She pulled me in for an embrace, the same look Enid gave me was evident on her as well.

Before I could speak, Negan cleared his throat and I turned.

"Come on, darling. We have an appointment with the doctor." He said impatiently, waiting for me to follow him. I turned back to Sasha and Enid, giving them a small smile before tracing Negan's footprints.

We stepped into the main building, Negan's men scattering as we entered, leaving Negan and I. The leader of the Hilltop community, Gregory, greeted Negan, immediately offering him a scotch.

"Not today, Gregory. I've got an appointment to meet my unborn kid. Where's Carson's office?" Negan asked, his voice threatening and still impatient. Gregory simply nodded his head and lead the way to Carson's office.

Negan shooed Gregory away as soon as we got there, leaving me and Negan alone. I was undeniably excited as I knew we were here to get a sonogram and hopefully discover the sex of the baby.

The doctor walked in, sharing similar features with the Dr. Carson back at the Sanctuary, but admittedly younger looking. He saw Negan and I noticed the fear that crept onto his face, but he quickly regained composure.

"May I help you?" He asked, only glancing at me as I knew he felt he needed to only speak to Negan. Negan took Lucille off his shoulder and put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me further into the room.

"We need a checkup." Negan told Carson. Carson only nodded his head and guided us through his office and into a room that had his medical equipment. I was surprised to see they had scavenged such expensive and heavy equipment and that they were even able to use it.

I laid down on the green, bed-like chair and lifted my shirt, remembering the procedure like yesterday. Memories of my previous doctor visits crowded my mind, but I quickly pushed them away as I felt myself tearing up.

Negan pulled up a chair beside me and sat down, intently watching the screen as Carson moved the wand. It made my heart break as I watched Negan stare at the screen, but it healed it at the same time. He watched the screen like nothing else was going on, like nothing else mattered.

"Your baby is doing great, there are no problems and it's as healthy as can be. Would you like to know the sex?" Carson asked, looking down at me. I turned to Negan and he nodded. "Congratulations, you're having a baby boy."

I watched Negan as he told us the sex of the baby, his eyes grew soft and they flickered with happiness.

"I'll give you guys a few minutes." Carson left, closing the door behind him. I used a rag to wipe off the gel from my stomach and sat up, pulling my shirt down. I let my legs dangle off the end of the chair and just stared at Negan.

NEGAN

I sat in the chair, feeling too excited to move. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream, I wanted to let the world know that I was having a son. The feelings that I had were unfamiliar, but they felt amazing. I could feel energy coursing through me, the adrenaline of excitement overwhelming me.

I looked over to y/n, her short, brown hair framing her glowing face. She stared at me, her sunken, beautiful gray eyes boring into me, as if she were trying to see what I was thinking.

I didn't know how to act around her. For some ungodly reason, I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to give her the fucking world. I want to be next to her, I want to raise our son together, I want to be the man she deserves, but how? How was I supposed to treat her like a queen, but uphold my reputation as a fearless leader?

She made me weak, and she made me strong. She made my heart stop, and she made it race. She made me feel. And I didn't know how to feel about that. I wanted it to stop, but it made me want her more. And suddenly, I realized.

Y/N

"Negan?" I asked, waving my arm in front of his face, trying to catch his attention. He had been spaced out for the past five minutes, but he suddenly moved, his eyes meeting mine.

I slid off the bed-like chair and struggled to keep my balance. Negan caught my arm and helped me maintain it as he stood.

"You alright?" He asked, keeping ahold of my elbow until I regained balance.

I nodded my head, "Yeah, I'm fine. Where's the bathroom?" I asked, feeling the pressure the baby was exerting on my bladder grow. He showed me to the bathroom, still hanging onto my elbow.

"I'll be outside." He told me, letting go of my arm after I told him I was fine. I walked down the hall towards the bathroom as fast as I could, immediately collapsing onto the toilet.

As I walked out of the bathroom, I collided into another figure. I looked up and recognized Maggie, alive. Tears begged to fall as they flooded my eyes and she embraced me.

"I thought you were dead." I cried, hugging her tightly.

"It was just to keep Negan off my trail," She said, pulling away and taking a long look at me. "y/n, you're pregnant?"

I nodded my head, running my hands over my stomach and smiling, "It's a boy." The tears that begged to fall, finally had.

"Is Negan the father?" She asked, brushing away my tears and looking at me sadly. I smiled again and nodded, "y/n, I'm so sorry."

"No, Maggie it's not like that, I-," I took her hands and looked down at them before catching her eyes. "I love him."