Float On

Part 6

I wake up early because I'm boiling hot, and for a few groggy seconds, I can't figure out why. I try to move but find that I'm being held down under the blankets by an arm and leg that are draped over my body. Smiling, I temporarily forget about being uncomfortable as I just look at him, sprawled out wearing only pajama pants and sleeping peacefully. I want to reach out to touch him and feel his soft skin under my hand again, but I resist, not wanting to wake him. As a compromise, I instead kick at the blanket I'm trapped under until I'm able to push it off of me, leaving nothing between myself and his limbs. He responds by murmuring something in his sleep and tugging me over closer to him. Contentment washes over me as I scoot in closer until we're perfectly spooned together with his bare chest against my back.

I drift in and out of sleep for the next few hours, waking here and there by a strange combination of good and bad dreams. I dream about going back to the ocean again, but this time Phil is with me, walking hand in hand as the waves break and scatter sand and saltwater over our feet. It seems so real I can practically feel the warmth of the sun on my face. But then there's another dream, and unfortunately, it feels just as real. In this one, the two of us are standing on the sidewalk in front of my apartment. I keep asking what's wrong, but he refuses to answer. He turns and walks away from me, and as he goes, I notice that the letters that spell out my name over his head are now scrambled and in the wrong order. They keep shifting and flickering as if they are confused and forgot how to spell 'Daniel Howell'. As the words struggle, they become dimmer and look like they're drowning in fog. I try to chase him, but lose him in the crowd, never learning if my name is still there or not.

After this last dream, I wake up with a start, gasping for air. My brain struggles to hold onto little details and pieces of the dream, but they all eventually float away and out of my reach. I sit up, unintentionally dislodging Phil's limbs that were wrapped around me and causing him to wake up also.

"Dan, are you ok?" he asks urgently, sitting up and looping his arms around me, pulling me close.

I just sit for a second with him holding me as I try to catch my breath. He starts soothingly rubbing my back with his hand and my breathing slows back down to a normal pace. Now if only I could get the picture of him walking away out of my head.

"I'm fine," I answer softly. "Just had a bad dream." I glance up at him, and am relieved to see my name still floating serenely above him in the dim room. I never thought in a million years I would ever be grateful to see those stupid floating words. He lays back down, pulling me with him. He puts an arm around me and I lay with my head on his chest, soothed by his steady heartbeat.

"It's ok," he murmurs in my ear as he runs his fingers through my hair. "I'm right here."

It was exactly what I needed to hear. We lay like that for about 20 minutes before the last of my anxiety finally fades away. He still has his arm around me and is rubbing my back, causing me to practically melt into him.

"So," he says dramatically once he's sure I'm ok, "I was thinking we may go somewhere today."

"Maybe. I don't know," I answer hesitantly.

"I'd never make you do anything that you're uncomfortable with," he says, pulling me a little closer. "But maybe just look at the pictures before you decide, yeah?"

I smile and nod, finding it impossible to say no to him.

He grabs his phone and leans towards me. Angling the screen so I can see better, he swipes through about a dozen pictures of a beautiful park. Filled with flowers and blooming trees, each photo looks like it could be a postcard.