Burning Bridges // muke

chapter six

i can't help it that i need you, i can't help it that i need you

He can't help it as he sits next to his ex girlfriend and her friend who was kind enough to let him stay with them as Michael took his things from his house.

"It's just hard..."

"We know, Luke." The girl he's yet to know the name of smiled sadly. "But look on the bright side, at least you don't have to waste your time with someone who doesn't want you."

"It hurts more that he lied to me and tried to make himself into someone I'd like. I feel like an asshole and a dumbass all rolled into one." Luke admitted as he took a drink of the first nonalcoholic drink he's had in about a week.

"A dumbhole?" Arzaylea smiled, nudging him with the point of her boot. "Eh?"

Luke forced a laugh and she leaned forward with elbows on her knees. "Michael just lost an amazing man, Luke. You're amazing. Yeah you get lost sometimes and make the wrong decisions but everyone does. Don't take it personally."

"My boyfriend is becoming my ex boyfriend because he's tired of having to be perfect for me." Luke reminded her.

"He's just confused -"

"He told me that he's tired of being compared to me. He's done with feeling incompetent and trying to be the perfect man for me. He just wants to be himself." Luke sighed, wishing so desperately he could turn this water into wine.

"Maybe he's just lost too. He thinks he wants to change but he doesn't -"

"No." Arzaylea cut her roommate off, raising a finger up. "I get that actually."

Luke's heart broke even more as he stared at his ex, who didn't want to meet his eyes since she kept them glued to the floor. He couldn't believe it. Was any relationship he's ever had real? Or was everything just people trying to impress him?

"What?" Luke asked, his voice wavering. "When?"

"When I was uh... when I was with you." She confessed to him and he set his glass on the table before standing up. "Luke!"

He had tears in his eyes again, and now he's beginning to question if Michael really was the bad guy in this. All he wanted was to feel comfortable, and clearly Luke's bad at making people feel secure around him. Everyone just wants to play actor or actress around him.

"Hey, hey look at me," she set a hand on his arm and Luke had to fight his reflex that yelled at him to push her away as hard as he could. His jaw clenched momentarily as he looked at her and she sighed. "It's not your fault."

"It's not my fault none of my relationships worked out?" He asked her. "You guys had to change yourself for me."

"It's not like you made us. I felt like I wasn't good enough, and Michael might feel that way too. Like you deserve so much better that what he could give you. Maybe he thinks you're still into girls or that you're just settling for him like he's a last resort. It's not you. It's him." She explained and Luke nodded.

"I didn-"

"No, it isn't your fault that people feel insecure around you. You deserve to be yourself just like everyone else." She assured him and he sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." She shrugged and he reached for the doorknob behind him. "You're still leaving?"

"I have to um... run an errand -"

"If you wanna see Michael then go ahead." She laughed. "I won't get hurt feelings, but be careful because you just might."

"I can't let him leave without talking to him."
Luke stated, his heart racing as he opened her front door. She just smiled.

"Then don't."

-

He ran into his house, slamming the front door shut and startling whoever was upstairs as he saw a suitcase roll down the stairs. He winced, but then ran up the stairs to find Michael holding a bag in his hand. He looked as great as ever, and Luke missed him. He fucking missed him so much.

"What are you doing here? I'm almost -"

Luke knew it was dumb, every second he was here was a dumb move, but he walked up to him and grabbed his face before pressing his lips against his. Michael was frozen and Luke was going to pull away, but before he could, his back was being pressed against a nearby wall.

He missed this. He missed being close to Michael, even if he tasted like some girl's coconut chapstick and smelt like an overpriced Prada perfume. He didn't care that Michael practically had a girlfriend who he was going to start living with in a few days time. He just wanted to be close to him.

"I'm sorry."

Luke was the first to break their kiss, and he had his forehead pressed against Michael's as he breathed heavily. He could feel the sweat on the older boy's skin and it felt gross and sticky but he couldn't find it in him to move as he let himself melt into Michael's grip. He was just holding him so tight and it felt too good to leave from.

"I'm sorry that... that I make you feel like you're not good enough. I'm sorry you feel like I'm some perfect boy who-who can't do anything wrong because I can do wrong and I have done wrong. People don't correct me because maybe they're just intimidated." He explained and then closed his eyes. "I need you, Mike."

"You don't."

"I do. I love you. I want to try. I want to do something to try and make this work. Mikey, you don't have to go." He begged, curling his fingers into Michael's blond hair and opening his eyes. "You don't have to go. We can work this out."

"So we can fall apart again?" Michael asked and Luke shook his head.

"So we can come back stronger than ever." He corrected and their eyes met. "You can stay here and we can work this out."

"What if I don't want to?" Michael asked quietly and Luke's heart fell.

"I can play pretend." He tried, and Michael's eyes had tears in them. Or maybe Luke was going to cry again. He couldn't tell.

"I need you." Luke pleaded. "I promise this can work. I'll change. I'll help you feel more comfortable with yourself because you're the only one I want. You're the only one I need."

Michael was silent, but he buried his face in Luke's shoulder. He didn't move, and Luke just shushed him while kissing his head and rubbing his back.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay. I know." Luke sighed, and looked at the packed bags around him, hoping to whatever higher power was above that Michael would stay with him.