Hot Potato: A Screwball Romantic Comedy Novella

Chapter 1

Los Angeles

          Walter Stearns squirmed on the diner counter stool.

          He forced himself to smile to give his voice a lift.

         Then he said into his cell, “Look, Sid, I’m sorry the interfaces didn’t work on U.S. current.  My partner will get you an acceptable substitute.  I’ll transfer you over.”

        Flashing a smile at Charlie, the counterman at the Los Angeles diner where Walter conducted his entrepreneurial businesses, Walter now spoke in a woman’s voice with an Indian accent.

         “Please hold, sir, while I transfer you.”

         A moment later Walter continued in the woman’s voice: “Mr. Patel isn’t in.  May I give you his voice mail?”

       When Walter ended the call, Charlie wiped his hands on his apron and shook his head at Walter.

        “How you gonna get out of that?”

         Walter grinned.

        “I bought enough time to think of something.”

        Charlie again shook his head and marched down to the end of the counter to take the order of a new arrival.

        What to do?  Walter needed to find another opportunity and soon.  His last few endeavors had not been what one would call salutary.  Not salutary at all.

         He gulped his cold coffee, considering whether he would finally have to get a real job.  He had successfully avoided this option for so long.  Why now were his efforts – okay, schemes – failing?

     He opened The Wall Street Journal folded next to his cell and skimmed the front page headlines.  Today even the humorous article on the front page did not amuse him.  If the article couldn’t supply him with revenue, he could care less.

       Then on one of the international news pages he found it!

       Walter waved Charlie over.

        “The Russians are sending their gold to Swiss banks!”

       Charlie leaned in towards Walter.

        “Yeah, what for?”

        Walter laughed and tapped his finger on the article.  “They’re having trouble with their cash flow.  They’re sending the gold as collateral for new loans.”

        Now Charlie tapped the newspaper. “I’m having a little trouble wit’ my own cash flow.  Think I can get me some of that dough?”

        Walter ignored Charlie’s comment.   Instead Walter explained to Charlie what the deal was.  “With the Swiss banks the Russians won’t get much interest.  Now if they would invest with me, we’re talking 20, 25% annual return.”

       Charlie shot Walter a look.  Walter knew that look – it meant “Here goes the bullshitter again.”  But this time Walter would be successful.

***

       Bernard Milow sat in his office at the University of Southern California studying a large map on his computer screen.  He squinted at the intricate train routes, considering which route would be the most efficient shipping for the products of a company that had hired him as a transportation consultant.

      Computers might be able to suggest the best route.  But computers didn’t take into consideration the actual on-the-ground conditions, conditions that Bernard had spent years studying.