Suicidal Tendencies

"1"

                                              She grabbed hold of my hand. Her hand was warm and soft, mine were worn and calloused from years of being forced to work. Her eyes were green, and twinkled in every light, I could look into them all day. Her hair was as dark as the night sky, and bouncy curls framed her round face. Her lips.. oh her lips were full, and she sure loved that blood red lipstick she constantly wore. I really couldn't help falling for this beautiful 23 year old woman.  Her voice rang in my ears with every word and my heart would flutter out of my chest, I loved her. 

                                               But right now, I felt none of this all I felt was the numbing pain that shot up my arm. And the only reason her hand was on mine was to check the pulse coming from my wrist. Her eyes no longer twinkled, they were as cold as ice. Her lipstick faded softly down her chin, and her hair was a disheveled mess. She said nothing as she stood letting my arm drop roughly to the ground. I watched as she slowly began to fade from my vision with each step she took. I called out, or at least i believed I did before i finally drifted away into darkness.

                                               I woke up several days later, feeling as if I had a bad hangover. Tubes shot in and out of my arms and as I looked around, I noticed I was in a hospital room. What the fuck?  I sat up, and immediately  dropped back down, my head spinning. And again I was consumed by the darkness. 

                                               I am diagnosed as a schizophrenic with suicidal tendencies. It took some time for the nurses to explain to me that the woman I've been waking up to in the morning and kissing at night for the past 3 years  was all in my head. The doctors tell me that the vivid "hallucinations" might have been caused by severe childhood trauma. I couldn't help but freak, attempting to rip out the cords that dangled from my limbs, the pain in my chest unbearable. I remember tearing out one of my stitches, and a nurse having to sedate me. The next time I woke I was in a white room, a man stood over me, explaining what happened and where I am. Before he left he handed me a small cup of water and another with a small mint green pill. 

                                               So here I am, Marcus Sawyer, a suicidal schizophrenic stuck in a mental institution. I used to have my own job, car and house... a beautiful girlfriend, but that's all over now. I lay back as a wave of drowsiness overcomes my body, hoping to see her as i drift off to sleep.