lost and found | it chapter one | 2017

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SIX:
WORDS

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*AMY'S POV *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
  

     "NO, WHERE IS STANLEY?" I repeated, my voice growing louder and shakier.

"I'm sure he... he just went home." Eddie said with a shrug, but I knew he was lying, and he secretly knew it too. The terror was not only evident in his eyes, but in the speechless eyes of Bill, Richie and even Thomas.

My chest was going up and down, faster and faster as my thoughts stabbed at my head. I spun around in circles, my eyes blurred as I felt like I could pass out at any moment.
My dad use to tell me to breathe in and out when scary things happened. When I lost my favourite stuffed animal when I was seven, he told me to just breathe. When I failed my math exam in fifth grade, he told me to just breathe.

  But how could I breathe if I was underwater?

"Amy, just calm dow-"

    "No," I exclaimed, hitting Richie's hand away from my shoulder, "You guys are pretending that this isn't happening. Ben and Mike are gone... Stanley," I paused, "Stanley can't be gone too."

    I lifted my chin up and shakingly let out a breath, attempting to compose myself, "Please, guys. Don't ignore me. Don't ignore this."

"But– wasn't he right here?" Thomas asked hesitantly.

    When I was younger, I use to believe that each star would represent all of my worries. And that, for some reason, made me feel much better. They were all just so organized, all neatly placed within the night sky and just perfectly out there for all to see. Yet, no one seemed to understand.

I was so, so mad that no one understood. I hated everyone for that. I hated that no one could help me, I hated that no one was like me. I despised the fact that that no one felt the insecurity, the sadness, the hurt and the anxiety I felt.

I hated that no one hated themselves as much I hated myself. However, as I grew older, I quickly understood that that wasn't the case, and that many others felt the same as I did.

And so, I would dangle my feet off the edge of my twin bed, my watered eyes dazing upon the millions upon millions of stars. I would just cry.

I would learn the same thing every night I would fall into that depressing state: all of those stars are dead, meaning that if all of those stars are my worries, they were gone. Gone within the future, and soon to be gone within the past, dealt with in the present. That helped sometimes, but it didn't even cover fifty percent of the grey area.

Now that I don't count the stars as my fears but rather as new reasons to learn, I take my flaws and show them to people proudly. However, I still haven't been able to truly let go of one aching problem: Abandonment.
The idea of people leaving without a reason or without saying goodbye rattles by bones. Why?

     People tell me I'll understand in the future. "When you get older I'll explain it all to you." My mom would say.

    I'm older now, yet I still don't understand why people just... leave? How old do I have to be to understand reason?

"We need to find him." I sternly spoke, my throat gargling with anger and boiling blood, "We need to find him. We need to find them. We need to get to them before that thing does."

     Everyone stood awkwardly, glaring my way as though I were the crazy one.

"At least I'm not blind to the situation. You guys chose to ignore the fact that three of your closest friends have disappeared, and I just don't understand it. You know, I've heard stories of you guys from around town. You guys have made packs together, you guys have always been together. But what are we doing? Crying over them being gone when they're literally right at our finger tips."

     And after that, I stormed off.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The next morning, the sky was noticeably grey. Clouds filled the sky, progressively getting darker and darker as the hours went on. I sighed, walking downstairs to the kitchen as my mom walked in with a large bag full of papers.

    "What's that?" I asked her, sitting down at the kitchen table. She proceeded to slam the bag next to me.

I chuckled, a little bit weirded out yet curious. She smiled at me, opening it up to reveal a big, heavy, soft at the touch yellow covered book.

"That, Amy, is a phone book. Everyone's numbers are in it. It's amazing, very handy." My mom finished, taking a seat next to me.

"Hmm," I hummed, flipping through the rough, thick pages, "How many numbers are there?"

She huffed, "I couldn't tell you. It's not just the numbers in Derry, of course, it's the entire region" she said. I nodded along as if I were listening, but I wasn't. I had an idea.

Ease dropping has always been my thing. A secret talent, I suppose. While hanging out with the guys, I might've picked up something relevant. Bill was talking about a girl named Beverly, and how she made a pack with them to help fight the 'clown' if it were to come back.

"Mom" I said, grabbing her attention, "Do you know any Beverly's from around here?" I asked. She leaned back in her chair in thought.

"Beverly," she mumbled the name to herself. Something sparked within her as her eyes widened,
"I did see a girl named Beverly Marsh on the news two days ago. Her dad died from trauma to the head or something, but that's the only Beverly I know. Poor girl, looked to be about your age." She said.

I thanked my mom before hurrying upstairs to the home phone. I think I might've found the Beverly they had been talking about.