The Secret We Could Never Keep 2 (SAMPLE)

Chapter 2

Mercedes- Things Aren't Always What They Seem...

Rubbing circles on my protruding baby bump, I looked at my husband as he slept peacefully. Admiring his umber brown skin, the structure of his face was something of an exotic beauty. I can only imagine how long I'd stayed up trying to figure out what our baby girl would look like. I wondered if she would look more like me or her big-headed ass daddy. Either way, I knew that she would be perfect to me. For so long, I'd hoped for a child. It was kind of hard to believe that I was about to be a mother. I was beyond scared shitless with the thought of it. I knew nothing about raising a child or even where to start. Knowing the basics was only scratching the surface for me. My heart longed to know if I would be able to connect with my daughter on more than just a maternal level.
The relationship I had with my mother was slim to none. She did what was required to make sure I survived, and that was it. She never talked to me the way a mother should or bothered to have a relationship with me. Although she had love for me, I truly believed she disliked me. I was the spitting image of her but personality wise, we were opposites. In my mother's eyes, making sure I was pretty enough to marry a man with enough money to take care of me that was the only way I would be successful.
I remember introducing him to her. For once, she seemed to care for me. I'm proud of you. Those were the four words I'd waited so long to hear. I moved away from home and found a man with a big enough price tag to please her. It didn't matter that I was smart enough to establish a life for myself. Lance was the answer to her prayers, the man that would bring our family out of poverty. He was all that mattered in her eyes. He gave her a small dose of the finer things in life, and she was sold from day one. I was so consumed with the fake love she gave me that I endured his brutality.
No one noticed all the bruises or the emotional scars he left carved into my soul. All they saw were dollar signs. While they took him for every dime he had, I would be forced to make up for it when the lights went out. He gave me his heart, and at times I felt that he loved me more than he loved himself, but the love I had for him was nonexistent. Lance took care of me, and I respected him for that. He was my occasional fix when the mood was right. He was nothing more than stability for me, and as soon as he realized my true feelings toward him, he changed for the worst.
I got everything I deserved. I took full advantage of a good man. There was no doubt in my mind that Lance wouldn't lay down and die for me if I asked him to. He put me through school, maintained a stable household, and took care of my family. All he asked for in return was my love and loyalty. I remained faithful, but love was something that I couldn't give him. I wish he would have just left me, but that wasn't the case. I felt the pain of his broken heart every time his fist collided with my face. He would beat me senseless without so much as a care in the world for my life. Every other night, I endured a beating only to follow him forcing himself on me. He would whisper in my ear how sorry he was while he took all of me. After all that, I still continued to keep up with the facade that we were the ideal couple.
After three years, endurance turned into survival. Night after night, I lived in hell, hoping that somebody might see the signs and save me, but that day never came. I'd shown up at my mother's house begging for her to help me get away from him after I'd built up enough courage to run from him. She cursed me and called me everything but a child of God. I was ruining a good thing. That's what the woman that birthed me told me. I gave my mother the benefit of the doubt when I should have known better. She'd allowed a man to beat her ass for nearly eighteen years, and when she wasn't enough anymore, he packed his things and left her to raise us alone. If my suffering kept her mortgage paid, then it didn't matter. It was my turn to take care of her as she would say. It was hard to get away from him after that, but with the help of my best friend, I was free. I had only myself to blame for being in that situation. I didn't see myself to be a victim. I was only facing the consequences of the decisions I made.
It had been one hell of an uphill battle to get back to me, but I managed to grow and become a better woman. I distanced myself from everybody in my family. I packed up all my belongings, and with only two hundred dollars to my name, I moved to Atlanta. It didn't take me long to find a job and make a life for myself. With the help of Naomi, I filed for divorce. Two years later, after throwing myself into my career, I finally started to date. Then I met the love of my life, the only man sane enough to put up with my crazy ass. I didn't even know that I believed in love until I meet Dwayne. He showed me a love like no other, the only man that showed me love in more ways than just physical attraction. He was patient, kind, and enduring with me. I was nothing short of imperfection, but I was perfect in his eyes.
"It's rude to stare, babe."
His eyes fluttered open. Looking at me, he shook his head. I only smiled at him. It was three in the morning, and I hadn't been to bed all night.
"It's not really rude if I'm staring at what's mine."
"Babe, you got to get some rest. Go to bed."
"Have you forgotten that I have a whole human floating around in my uterus? I don't sleep unless she lets me. Your child is keeping me awake, Mr. Lashley."
"Our child, Mrs. Lashley."
Smiling harder, my cheeks flushed red as I kissed his lips. I would never get tired of him calling me that.
"No, this was all you're doing. I remember telling you to pull out, but no. Your hard-headed ass just had to nut inside of me. I blame you for the last six months that I've been imprisoned inside of my own body."
This pregnancy was completely Dwayne's doing. I remember him telling me that as soon as we were married that I was going to have his child. He kept his promise just as he always did. After only three months of being married, I found out I was pregnant, and at four weeks, I lost the baby. There was nothing that either of us could have done. It was an ectopic pregnancy.
Devastation followed us as soon as we went to our first checkup. The moment the sonogram technician placed the monitor on my stomach, we saw nothing but darkness. Not a sound could be heard, only silence and devastation. I was rushed into emergency surgery. Lying on a cold steel table, they took my left fallopian tube. I didn't understand how things could just go left. A couple of months later, I found out that I was expecting again while Dwayne was away for work. After weeks of waiting for Dwayne to get back home, I surprised him with news. I don't think I'd ever seen him so happy. He ran outside, running up and down the street, telling the whole world he was going to be a daddy.
"Woman, you know you love carrying my seed. My baby girl is the second-best thing that's ever happened to me."
"And what was the first, Mr. Lashley?"
"Marrying you."
Looking in my eyes, I stared at him, fighting back tears. I swear that since I'd been pregnant, I was a bucket of water. I cried over anything!
"Come on, babe. Rest up. You have a busy day tomorrow."
I crawled closer to him. I felt secure in his arms, feeling the warmth of his arms wrapped around me. Truth is, I was restless but not because of the baby. Dwayne was going on yet another business trip for the third time this month. I was twenty-two weeks pregnant, and my due date was approaching and fast. I understand he wanted to provide for his family, but I needed him here. I needed him to be prepared for the worst, but I couldn't expect him to know much if he was unaware of the dangers of this birth. Pushing aside my thoughts, I placed a soft kiss on my husband's lips before closing my eyes.