TEN8

The paranoia

par·a·noi·a
ˌperəˈnoiə
From a young age I felt as I was cursed with the tendency to be paranoid about everything . It often caused me to stop living and to put my joy on break because a constant "what if " feeling always followed me around. I am a Haitian - american , many Caribbean people believe and trust strongly in their dreams often view them as signs from the other world. I took my dreams that I would have whether they were good or bad and deeply over analyzed them. Sometimes they would scare the shit out of me . I could tell someone about something that has happened to them or would happen to them very soon with little background knowledge on the person . Which would frighten people ,I viewed myself as an outkast because I had this availability. There's this one dream that followed me for years constantly playing in my brain every night like it was trying to tell me something . The dream was of a figure , a young figure with no face or like deep description dying . The figure I would see dying every night died at a young age but the dream would never finish so I never knew what the figure was or how they died. Over years the figure started to get more and more clear until one night my body went into shock and temporarily paralyzed me and I couldn't move or what it felt like escape this then a voice in my head echoed the figure is YOU. The figure was me it scared me so bad I never wanted to sleep again. I had experienced sleep paralysis that night. I often stayed up at night to avoid sleeping. I did some online research and apparently Dying in your dreams was a big sign, but I could never find a meaning to why we die in our dreams that made sense and if it matched up with how we would eventually die in real life.