Drop of Magic (Malec)

Bonus Chapter (6) Mess ups and Make ups

Her giggles erupt like song and I can't help but smile as I buckle her into the car and slide into the front seat. If it weren't her first day of school, I'm almost positive Magnus would take one of the other cars, but he won't miss this. Sliding into the passenger seat, he doesn't even look at me, and I can't say anything because he'll never know how sorry I am. How much I regret saying those words. Nothing can express that.

I toss and turn in the uncomfortable bed, missing the comfort of our bed, the comfort of his body when it finally would sink into the comforter beside me, his warmth reaching out to me like home. I miss Cleo, going into her room at night when the nightmares emerge, or chasing away the monster under the bed. I didn't get to read her a bedtime story tonight, and it feels like a failure. Like I've not only screwed up my marriage but also being a parent as well. My chest aches with the feeling of wrongness and I want more than anything to rewind back to this morning and change everything.

Sitting up, I let the blankets pool at my hips and fumble for my phone in the dark room. When the screen lights up, it says its barely 1 in the morning. Too late, I try to reason, Magnus will be fast asleep, glad that I'm not there. But it doesn't stop me from hovering over his name until I finally press down on the call button.

"What do you want?" He grumbles into the phone, but I can tell he wasn't asleep. Just the sound of his voice, even if it is laced with anger and disappointment brings me to a place of peace. It brings me to safety, even miles away, even when the tension is so thick I can almost taste it.

"I'm so sorry," I breathe, the sobs that I've been fighting off since 7:30 this morning finally breaking their way through my facade. My voice shakes through the phone and I can barely breathe, chest tight with regret and apologies that will never be enough. "I never meant to say something so cruel, I would never mean to hurt you, Magnus," I whisper, voice trembling so much I feel like a living earthquake. I can feel the most important parts of me threatening to crumble.

"Alexander," he murmurs into the phone and I cling to the sound of his voice like a lifeline. Even after nearly 8 years together, all it takes is a word from his lips to save me.

"You are the single best thing that's ever happened to me," wiping my hand across my face, I notice it's accumulated quite the amount of salt water, dripping down onto the blankets. "The best father. It's okay to forget things, you do so much, you run the business, you love and care for me, you cook, clean, you host parties, you entertain our friends, you always, always make time for our baby girl, and most of all, you love us so much. And I jeopardized all of that today because I was angry. I never want to do that again. This has been the hardest time in my life, and that's including being homeless, being alone. None of it was as bad as this, as thinking that you think I meant that." By this time, I'm a sobbing mess. My head is throbbing from crying, my nose stuffed and my eyes aching from the tears. There's an unfamiliar tightness in my chest, the lack of something, someone.

"Alexander, darling, please stop crying," he pleads, sounding apologetic even if I'm the one apologizing. Magnus Bane never ceases to amaze me. Even now, when I mess up so much it could ruin everything, he finds a way to blame himself. He's the kindest, gentlest person I know, and I hurt him.

"I'm sorry, Magnus." I whisper, sniffing pathetically after and curling myself up in a tight ball in the centre of the bed, blankets tangled around me. I feel small, so small and insignificant. Magnus is an ocean and all I am is a single, pathetic drop. Yet, somehow, he still loves me.

"Come, dear, it's going to be alright. Couples fight, people say things they don't mean." He reasons with me and suddenly I feel irrational. He didn't tell me to leave tonight. He didn't say I had to go, but I took it upon myself to give him space, thinking that's what he wanted, needed. I didn't even think that maybe all he wanted was for me to prove to him that I was wrong, that I love him more now than ever, and that those words held nothing.